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The Week in Kim Kardashian: January 8 - January 15

Satirically recounted by Metro staff.

To be read in your best Kim Kardashian voice.

Friday

Dear Kim,

It sure was fun reenacting that penguin documentary me and Kanye watched! Needless to say Kanye’s regurgitated caviar didn’t taste so good. Here’s to another day of trying new things!

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Love,

Kim

Saturday

Dear Kim,

Do you ever have those nightmares where you’re running and running and running but not going anywhere? *Sigh* Those are the worst. I wonder when Anna will ever call me back…

Love,

Kim

Sunday

Dear Kim,

Today was so fun! I dressed up like a muppet and ate some sugar water! I also took my daily selfie in a car and remembered that I forgot how to smile. I miss smiling. Remind me to get toothpaste.

Love,

Kim



Monday

Dear Kim,

I have a confession to make. Ever since I was a little baby Kardashian I've always dreamed of being the next Heather Graham! Wow what a dancer! She was and is such an inspiration to us dancers. I like to think of myself as being a dancer. Is Heather Graham still alive? I wanna meet her!

Kisses!

Kim



Tuesday

Dear Kim,

Mirrors are so spooky! Today, while I was getting my hourly pedicure, I noticed that the mirror I was looking at was reflecting the mirror across the room from it! How weird! How spooky! Also,I’m so excited to star in my first horror film! In this move I play pretend as a woman in a black dress who doesn’t smile and loves birds. The movie is called ... “The Scary Woman In a Black Dress that loves Birds” oOooOoo! Spooky, right?! I’m so excited!

Boo!

Kim



Thursday

Dear Kim,

Happy TBT Thursday, Kim! I was so confused about this picture when I saw it because I kept thinking “ugh! What is going on with my face? Was I like too awake or something? Why do I look like that?” Then, while eating my apple slice for dinner, I realized that I was smiling. Still need to buy that toothpaste...

Love,

Kim

P.S. Apparently Heather Graham is still alive! She's also an actress? I should ask Kanye about this...

 
 
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