Lena Dunham is not getting married

Back in those long ago days before gay marriage was legal across the land, quite a few progressive heterosexual couples made the stand that they wouldn’t get married until it was legal for everyone to get married. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were one (though they eventually changed their minds), and Lena Dunham and Jack Antonoff were another. So what happens now that gay marriage is legal nationally? Well, in the aftermath of the decision, Dunham jokingly tweeted at Antonoff, “get on it, yo.” But now it seems she’s changed her tune.

In an essay for the New Yorker, Dunham dives into her own conflicted feelings about marriage and weddings — the desire to wear the specialdress versus the sense that it’s an outdated institution, or maybe just one she’d rather not think about. She acknowledges that she sort of dug her own grave on this one, admitting that she texted Antonoff after the court decision to say “But seriously. I’m going to look like a real idiot if we just sit here like losers and keep dating.” Ultimately she comes down on the side of holding off for now, so put away your Lena Dunham/Jack Antonoff Wedding Scrapbook for the moment:

“It’s nearly impossible to detangle personal preference from social conditioning, our deepest desires from the codes we have been taught to follow. I am not foolish enough to think I have made a final decision about marriage. But it turns out that what I was waiting for was not the chance to marry but the chance to think about marriage on an even playing field, in a world where its relevance is a little harder to question and its essence a little harder to reject.”