"Catfish" host Nev Schulman wants you to know it's not them, it's you. In his new book, "In Real Life: Love, Lies & Identity in the Digital Age" (out September 2), Schulman explains that the key to establishing a long-lasting bond is to take a look inward. Tricks like Google image search and knowing that a Facebook account with only 12 friends is a red flag help, but Schulman says there's way more to it than that. Hence the new book.We talk to Schulman and share his best words of wisdom here. Whether you are searching for love online or in person, they are tips you can take to heart.
Be aware of your soft spots.
"It's not what to look out for in other people. It's what to look out for in yourself. ...Getting catfished isn't about someone being a really good liar or Internet user. It's about being vulnerable and perhaps unsatisfied or insecure and somebody taking advantage of that."
Don't fake it.
"We all have doubts, fears and insecurities in our happiness. When you hide that from other people, you're also kind of hiding it from yourself. If everybody goes around pretending to be the happy, fulfilled version of themselves and ignores the truth about things they're feeling, then we're all participating in the same game of not really connecting in a meaningful way or being open and honest with each other."
If you're looking for love online, meet as soon as possible.
"If you're looking for a relationship, using the Internet is great, but it should just be a means. The trouble is when you go online as a distraction or without any clear intention or specific goal. That's when you get into trouble."
Real relationships take work.
"I think we all sort of subscribe to this fairy tale version of how love conquers all and how once you find your soulmate everything falls into place. That's just crazy. It doesn't work like that. I think we've become disillusioned that we will find the perfect person now that we have online dating and then it won't take any work and compromise, but it does, no matter what."
If you go:
Book reading with Nev Schulman
September 4, 7 p.m.
Barnes & Noble Union Square
33 East 17th St., 212-253-0810