We learned some answers this episode — especially if you were wondering if Hanna's still drunk. Here's your recap, by way of Q&A.
"A" circled all the A-notes in Ali's Glee Club book. Actually, if you played the piece that way, it would sound really creepy. Also, A knows how to read music, apparently.
Q: Wait, the Liars are in Glee Club? How come we've never seen that before?
A: I was also surprised. Especially because they were singing a hymn (a Christmas carol, to be precise) in public school. But, whatever; presumably they also fart and we never see that either. So Hanna arrives late and hungover — which is also just like Christmas — and everyone is still mad at her for spilling the beans about being in New York. She's spiraling. And Caleb isn't helping. He wants her to run away with him to Myanmar. But she says, "If I can't spell it or pronounce it, I can't go there."
Q: Uh oh...so where can she go?
A: Let's think. Paris, I'd guess. Rome is a safe bet. Maybe London–
Q: are you sure it's not London?
A: Right. So that one's out, I guess.
All this talk of travel has made Hanna hungry, so she goes into the Brew for a tuna melt and Zach totally hits on her.
Q: Zach, as in Ella's fiancé, Zach?
A: Yep. And it's just before their engagement party too.
Q: "Engagement party" — will there be penis straws?
A: No, you're thinking of the bachelorette party. This event is more about champagne and streamers.
Q: Penis streamers?
A: Maybe, I guess. So Hanna decides to tell Aria, but Aria turns on her instead, blaming her. Really though, she's just mad because Hannah still hasn't apologized about spilling the New York beans, except for the drunk apology voicemail she left, while you could hear Caleb laughing in the background at a YouTube video of a man eating his beard.
A: I don't think it's actually a thing. I did find a clip from a small-town news channel about an area man who'd been forced, at knife point, to cut off some of his beard and eat it. But I would've thought Caleb was above laughing at a guy just because he's fat and a redneck.
Q: What makes you think Caleb is above that?
A: He's a ghost, so he should be sensitive to the plight of man.
Q: You still think he's a ghost?
A: Yeah. I bet they're waiting until the Halloween special to reveal it.
Back at Radley, Aria gets caught putting Big Rhonda's sketchbook back under her mattress. Big Rhonda says she's willing to forget it happened, but it will cost Aria.
Q: Please don't say they made another fat joke?
A: Cut to Big Rhonda enjoying the Cheeto's and root beer she'd presumably asked for as a bribe. Now that the giant has been tamed with junk food, she's Aria's BFF and shares some gossip: Mrs. D came to see Bethany a lot, signed her out on field trips, and gave her gifts, including a horse named Custard.
Q: And Big Rhonda drooled when she said the word custard?
A: No, then the nurse busted in, and yelled at Aria because Rhonda is diabetic.
Spencer and Emily locate the stable where Custard was held, pay a visit, and meet the stable boy named Declan.
Q: Declan...is he super hot?
A: Obviously. And he tells them abt The "bucket incident", when the lady wanted the girl to call her "Aunt Becky", but the girl didn't want to, and threw a bucket at her, and people around the stable will never forget.
Q: What the hell does that mean?
A: Only, as far as I can tell, that not much ever happens at the stable — except tonight. Emily finds a riding helmet, which Spencer recognizes is Melissa's. And then "A" locks them in the stable with a bucking horse that almost kills them.
Ali is staying at Hannah's house, and being babied by Mrs. Marin, when suddenly Mrs. Marin hears someone else in the house. Ali runs downstairs in time for them both to see a shadow holding a knife–
Q: A penis knife?
A: What's with you and penises tonight?
Q: Don't I ask the questions here?
A: So Ali and Mrs. Marin huddle by the front door and dial 911–
Q: Why don't they just run out the front door?
A: If I could answer that question, none of us would watch this show. Anyway, the shadow runs out the side door, Lieutenant Tanner shows up and is clearly skeptical of Ali's story, and then Mrs. Marin yells at Tanner for not doing anything to protect Ali.
Q: Cool, so take that Lieutenant Tanner, right? A: well, not really, because it turns out the shadow holding the knife was Noel Kahn, whom Ali had asked to scare Mrs. Marin so she'd get on Ali's side.
What else? Toby wants to be a cop, so he can get more answers from the inside. Sydney tried to pretend Hanna told her nothing about NYC but then let it slip that she did. And "A" knows where a secret compartment is in Spencer's room, and also lovingly touches Melissa's horse-riding hat sitting next to it.
Q:So "A" is Melissa?
A: I thought you were gonna say "penis".