Conrad falls victim to another poisoning on "Revenge." Credit: ABC/Carin Baer Conrad falls victim to another poisoning on "Revenge."
Credit: ABC/Carin Baer


Another night of “Revenge,” another cold open on a boat. This time, it’s Victoria and Aidan cruising (with mimosas, natch). Amanda’s doing a voice over about how baptism can erase original sin, but malevolence can’t be erased from the purely evil people out there (ahem, Graysons). Anyway, Aidan tells Victoria he’s been betrayed by Amanda just like how Victoria was by David Clarke, which is why he thinks they should pair up to take Amanda down. Victoria’s hesitant to trust him without proof, but Aidan says he’ll get proof (Amanda’s body, maybe?).


Back on dry land, Daniel’s reading Voulez, the magazine his pal Margot has started in the U.S. He tells Amanda he digs the mag’s cultural and political articles—RIGHHHHT. Just as plausible as when a dude tells you he reads Playboy for the articles. Anyways, he’s boning up on the mag because he’s thinking of becoming the publisher. Amanda’s a little taken aback to hear that he and Margot are gonna have dinner to discuss the deets, but Daniel invites her along to impart her fashion wisdom—he wants her there by his side, as a possible third business partner.


In his bedroom, Conrad has the shades down—he’s avoiding attention in the wake of his diagnosis. Charlotte draws the curtains in dramatic fashion, and pulls a drink out of his hands—he must be wicked depressed if he’s drinking in the morning, she surmises. Conrad doesn’t want her to move out of the house, and she wants to help him through his diagnosis.


Elsewhere, Nolan is totally gay I guess now? He’s shuttling one his presumed many one-night-stands out of his house when Amanda drops by. She brings over her Revenge box and introduces a new character she wants to take down: Paul Whitley, a former Grayson Global employee who now answers to a power higher than Conrad—God. Yup, he’s a priest now. Cut to Daniel and Amanda visiting him at his church because he’s going to officiate their wedding (how convenient). Father Paul regales the couple with his storied past and says the David Clarke trial caused him to rethink how he wanted to spend his life.


At the Stoweaway, Jack is using the red pen! But don’t worry, it’s only to cross the Salisbury steak off their menu. Baby Carl is there, and boy has he gotten big and adorable! Charlotte’s there too. Carl starts to get fussy, and Jack pulls out his iPad to show him footage from the wedding—it always seems to calm him down. That’s nice and all, but what’s with kids these days? What ever happened to playing with a rattle or something? Must we get the babies started on iPads? I swear, we’re going to turn into robots one day. ANYWAYS.

Father Paul visits Grayson Manor and he and Victoria go into some verbal sparring. She lets him see Conrad, but Conrad doesn’t really want anything to do with him—they didn’t end their working relationship on the best of terms, apparently. It seems Father Paul has a bit of a shady past that Conrad alludes to—but the priest has forgiven himself for his past actions. He suggests Conrad do some self-forgiving as well. Even though Conrad is pretty reprehensible, Father Paul can sense a great deal of unhappiness in his life, and says that he’ll always be there to support him.

At dinner in the city, Margot reminds us viewers again that her dad doesn’t want her to start the magazine here (I guess that’ll come into play later). Daniel pitches his services, and Amanda gets up to give them some breathing room to talk. As she walks to the bar, she sees Charlotte there, and Charlotte’s peeved: Amanda was the only one Charlotte told about her mom’s affair, but now Ashley knows, so Amanda must have blabbed. Not true, Amanda says!

Back at Nolan’s house, Nolan’s baking muffins. He tells Amanda that all the digging he did on Father Paul proves him to be…a nice guy who helps homeless people in the Bronx. Side note: Did Amanda dye her hair darker? Looks good! So many hair changes this season. I dig. Alright, back to the show. Nolan thinks Amanda’s going too far, but Amanda, of course, remains committed to her goal, and she says she doesn’t expect forgiveness.

Across the street, Conrad is doing a little redecorating—namely, selling his wife’s paintings because they’re now poor. Victoria is horrified, especially since she figured “you had at least a few months before dementia kicked in” (love her sass). Amanda brings over some muffins “she” made (really Nolan). Victoria and Amanda chat wedding details, with Victoria gritting through her teeth that she wishes she would have cleared Amanda’s choice in officiates (before, ya know, booking her mortal enemy to preside over the wedding). She adds that she doesn’t want Patrick involved in the ceremony either. Might be too late for that, we’ll see!

Amanda visits Jack at a park where a bunch of adorable puppies are playing. This is where Sammy first ran up to her, and thus, where Amanda and Jack first met. Amanda’s worried about Charlotte’s recent outbreak—can Jack speak to her for him? Oh Amanda, when are you gonna start accepting responsibility for your actions, Jack wants to know. “When did punishing the guilty become more important than helping the innocent?” Dude’s got a point.

At an art gallery, Victoria’s selling one of her prized pieces. Patrick shows up, and she explains that if people find out they’re low on dough, they’ll use that against them. She goes on again to say how much she wants him in her life.

Oh boy, here’s Amanda dressed in her famous cat burglar outfit. Something’s up. She places a call to Father Paul pretending to be someone in need of help. When Father Paul arrives with groceries, she beats him down. Emily Van Camp, may I just say that for all your acting abilities that landed you the lead in this show, what was up with that call? I could have faked that better! Again, I digress.

In NYC, Margot and Daniel are looking for investors for the mag. Then, she pulls him into an office, strips, and it appears our charming Daniel goes in for the kill. His relationship with Amanda is built on such a solid foundation! But back in Montauk, Victoria visits Nolan and needs a favor: access to bank accounts. Sorry, Nolan says, no can do—I lead a tech-free lifestyle now. He’s taken up art, instead—he’s bought Victoria’s prized painting. “You dabble in unforgiveable things,” Victoria sneers before leaving.

There was no huge party in tonight’s episode, but there was another awkward dinner, so I guess that counts. Time to meet the family, Patrick! Conrad, drunk, starts hurling insults, and word gets out that Victoria originally tried to silence Patrick out of her life by having Frank (RIP) pay him a hefty sum. Yikes! Patrick isn’t too pleased, to say the least. Conrad needs another drink, so Amanda refills it, again poisoning him (honestly, Graysons, you really gotta watch your backs better). He collapses to the ground, Patrick leaves in a huff, the whole thing is a disaster, and Amanda’s got a telling smirk on her face! Too bad she doesn’t know that Aidan is currently in her house snooping around…

Morning comes, and Amanda and Daniel have a heart-to-heart on the porch. Even though his family is so horrible, he still feels an innate need to protect them. They’re your family and you’d do anything for them, she tells him, obviously talking about herself and her own fam. She tells him he should take the job if he wants it, and then visits Patrick at the South Fork Inn to try to win him over against the Graysons. But Patrick’s smart. He’s not siding with her. Amanda, rejected!

At the Stoweaway (where every Jack scene takes place, I’m coming to realize), Charlotte is holding baby Carl but he’s being fussy, even after watching his parents’ wedding video. Charlotte tells Jack she’s not fit for motherhood, and all the stress about Declan’s death caused her to miscarry. That’s crazy, Jack tells her. But she explains that she’s the reason Declan’s gone—if she had just told him where she was, he wouldn’t have gone into Grayson Global looking for her, and he wouldn’t have been hit by the bomb. But Jack’s got something to tell her too—Conrad knew about the bomb the whole time.

Nolan cleverly hides the Revenge box behind Victoria’s painting in his house—you even need a remote control to move the painting and get the door open. Amanda arrives and the two of them fight about how much further this mission needs to go. Nolan reads her an entry in her dad’s diary about forgiveness—can’t she move on? No, she can’t, and she’ll carry out her mission without him, thankyouverymuch.

Charlotte confronts her dad, super-pissed about the whole bomb thing. “You deserve to die!” she tells him. Add her to the list of people who hate this man. At the church, poor Father Paul tells Amanda about the attack on him, not realizing his assailant is staring him in the face. Then at mass, because she is a two-faced menacing witch, she plants incriminating photos in the collection basket that’s passed around.

Elsewhere, Daniel apologizes to Margot for the incident that happened. But he still wants the job. He’ll take it, provided he can run business out of Montauk. Done, she says. They shake.

Back at the church, Father Paul takes Amanda to the homeless shelter where he works and Amanda starts to feel remorse. The pastor interrupts to presumably fire Father Paul about the photos. Now Amanda’s really feeling bad. Who knew she was capable of such a feeling?

And out in the ocean again (seriously, how funny that their scenes only take place on a boat), Aidan tells Victoria that Nolan’s deed has Emily’s (Amanda’s) name on it, so that’s where their money is. Nolan’s a pawn in this whole game, he tells her. Now that he’s helped her, he wants help from her.

Again, at the church, Amanda lights a candle for her dad. Just then, the unholiest man of the show, Conrad, shows up to the sanctuary. He’s got no one, he says, and came to Father Paul for a little support—and to face whatever’s coming to him, he says. Time to confess?! But oh no, Father Paul is no longer at the church, Amanda says—“there was an incident.”

Well all this sends Amanda spinning, and she rushes back to Nolan (with a hearty “you were right”). She tried too late to stop the priest from getting fired, and now she wants to fix it. Why? Of course, there’s another motive beyond the goodness of her heart. It looks like the only person Conrad will confess—and confess everything to—is Father Paul. She needs him back in the game.

Friends, this is a first for “Revenge”—reinstating a character who Amanda originally wanted to take down. Did you like that twist on the pretty tired “takedown of the week” episode formula? Will Father Paul get back on everyone’s good graces? And how? Maybe we’ll find out next week, maybe not, but let me know what you think below.

We’re starting a new thing this week where we grade each episode. I give this one a B+ for its amount of action (the Daniel and Margot hookup!) and the twist on the regular plot. What say you, readers?