Welcome back to another “Revenge” recap! This week we pick up right where we left off, after the accident that blew up Conrad’s little midlife crisis red convertible.
In the opening scene, Amanda is hurrying alongside the hospital gurney—as if she would have permission to do so in the real world, honestly—and Patrick is trying to convince Victoria, currently crying over the shitshow her life has become, that she can start all over and they can leave the Hamptons. Nah, she can’t, she says—the kids need her.
At the hospital, Father Paul is declared dead (yeah, I thought he died last week, but I guess this pretty much makes it official), and Amanda realizes something is shady about the circumstances surrounding the accident. At Nolan’s house, Nolz, Aidan and Amanda conclude that Conrad caused the accident. Could it be because he was so zonked out on pills that Amanda supplied? (You’ll recall she’s tampering with his meds to make him sicker than he really is). Anyways, nah, she tells the boys, she lowered his dosage in advance of his confession so he’d be cool to drive.
Victoria Grayson needs money and 'Voulez' needs a statement
Poor Victori, broke as they come, needs a job. Luckily for her her friend Sheila offers her a job at her gallery on the spot (who needs an interview anyway?). In other Grayson news, Daniel gives a statement on Amanda’s behalf to a detective, who says the accident is pretty clearly Father Paul’s fault. This doesn’t sit well with our Amanda. In fact, when a whippersnapping reporter comes looking for inside dirt on Daniel for the premiere issue of Voulez, she’s got a story to tell.
Nolan and Patrick reconnect at the beach club, and Patrick’s all like “I’m getting out of here I don’t fit in blah blah blah.” Nolan, nice guy he is, swipes Patrick’s wallet when he’s not looking.
Aidan surprises Conrad at his home, and Conrad tells Bianca the maid to keep him out. On the other side of the track, Amanda visits Jack at the Stoweaway to break the bad news that Conrad won’t confess. Jack offers to help, but Amanda doesn’t want him to get involved—she’s being protective, I guess. Well, this doesn’t stop Jack—he makes a phone call asking for some assistance. More on that later.
The statement Amanda gave to the magazine? All about Daniel’s DUI. Whoops, was that personal? Daniel’s pissed, to say the least. They fight, it’s more of the same “I don’t trust you” BS, yada yada yada.
Elsewhere, Nolan debates whether or not to use technology to dig up dirt on Patrick, ultimately deciding to do it (because he’s Nolan), and Aidan replaces Conrad’s pills with another prescription.
Patrick and Sheila have an artsy interaction that teaches us that Sheila’s a cheat who sells paintings that don’t have the required paperwork. Patrick tries to play her game and sell her a painting without the requisite forms. Looks like she takes the bait.
Amanda Clarke: Up to her usual tricks
Oh lord. Here comes Emily van Camp in her stupid cat burglar outfit again. What’s she up to now? Oh, she’s investigating at the junk yard where Conrad’s car has landed. Oh, there’s Jack too! He’s dressed funny too. They’re in this together, I guess. He’s got news for her—the airbag was removed from Conrad’s car, which explains why he was so roughed up after the crash…and further proving he crashed it on purpose. Jack’s got the proof and he’s not willing to give it over to Amanda. He’s ready to have things his way, and I don’t blame him after all he’s been through. He says he’ll either come forward with Conrad’s truths or Amanda’s.
This week's party
So no real big Hamptons party tonight, but rather a smallish gallery reception feting Victoria’s new job. Amanda looks at it as the perfect place to make amends with Daniel for the fight they had. Conrad and Daniel stay home, where they learn that Conrad’s name has been cleared by the detective. That’s nice. Daniel tells his dad about Amanda’s confession to the magazine and Conrad says it’s all a power play—that even though he and Victoria fight all the time, what keeps them going is that they know how to fight each other. This is the same thing. Suddenly, Conrad gets a shocking phone call…
Nolan’s snooping adventures lead him to Florida, where he finds Patrick’s ex-wife by showing up at a park and promising her $20,000 for info. It’s a hard deal for her to turn down. Back at the party, Victoria calls Sheila out on her little scheme, calling the police and taking ownership of the gallery (OK, so that happened fast?). She’s grateful to have had Patrick’s support in helping her a painting back that was sold without those requisite forms we talked about earlier. They hug and it’s almost kind of sweet.
Turns out the airbag wasn’t the only part of the car that was tampered with before the accident: The brakes were too. Just as Jack and Amanda are coming to this realization, Amanda gets a text: Come back to the house immediately, as Conrad’s got news. Before she gets there, she asks Aidan if he messed with the breaks—he has gone rogue in the past, after all. No, he didn’t, he says. But because Jack’s the one working with Amanda on this, Aidan gets jealous. Amanda goes on about how she had to protect Jack, but Aidan’s not really hearing it.
Conrad's shocking news and Nolan's new lover
Oh yeah, Conrad’s news. He’s been misdiagnosed! He doesn’t really have Huntington’s. Whoops! Since he’s not governor anymore, he can at least start getting his life back by becoming master of the house again. Honestly, what is with this show creating problems only to eliminate them two episodes later? Like, let’s introduce Father Paul, only to kill him two episodes later. And let’s give Conrad a fatal disease, only to have him realize it’s not fatal like three episodes later.
Things with Daniel and Amanda aren’t really going too well (she wants a wedding, he wants to sleep at the South Fork Inn), but things are heating up between Nolan and…Patrick! How did I know this would happen? At first Patrick rebuffs Nolan’s advances, but then, yeah, gives right in.
Back at the Stoweaway, Charlotte gives Jack his wedding invite, and Jack asks Amanda why she’s still going through with this whole shebang. Ohhhh, it’s to take down Daniel and co. at her own wedding, he realizes. Lovely. She tries to tell Jack to get back to his life, honestly, he doesn’t need all this drama. But no, he’s in it now, and he wants to bring Conrad down.
At Grayson Manor, Conrad wants Aidan out of the picture, but Victoria doesn’t—he can stop Amanda and Daniel from marrying because Amanda’s always had a little tinge for Aidan. Speak of the devil, there’s Aidan! And he’s got new, oh boy. No. 1) He doesn’t like Conrad (he tells him to his face…ouch). No. 2) Someone’s trying to kill Conrad…someone who tampered with your car…someone named JACK PORTER! That’s right. Jack wants Conrad dead, and now Conrad knows. How will this affect their seemingly pleasant relationship? Who knows. It was Jack, right? Are the writers trying to convince me otherwise? Is that why we have to start using the hashtag #HamptonsKiller? This week’s episode wasn’t all that earth-shattering, so I’m gonna give it a C+. I can’t decide whether to give British actor Josh Bowman (Daniel) an A or an F for his laughable fake New York accent that comes out when he’s angry. What do you think?