Please excuse my glaring absence last week — I was walloped by a wicked virus. But! Have no fear, for I am here to recap not one but two episodes for you! Well, mostly, tonight's crazy madcap wedding mess. But before we get to tonight, here's what you need to know about what went down last week. I put these in bullet points because, well, who has time to read two 1,500-word essays on this insane show?
- Margot, who was keeping Lydia in hiding as her source for a big Grayson expose, breaks off her contract with Lydia after Lydia divulges her ID and whereabouts to Conrad. Victoria was actually the one who saved Lydia from getting on that plane and kept her in hiding (anyone see that coming?)
- Lydia and Conrad get back together (ew).
- Sara gives Daniel an ultimatum because she doesn't want to be "the other woman." Daniel breaks it off with her. Sara drops the necklace Daniel gave her into the ocean in a very "Titanic" move.
- Daniel spills the beans to Victoria that Amanda is preggo. Conrad is delighted by the news; Victoria not so much.
- Nolan layered his popped collars (not essential to the plot, but worth a mention).
- Jack finds Margot's file on Conrad and doesn't trust that she's entirely not in cahoots with them (boy's got major trust issues). He tells her his history with the Graysons, which he had been hiding from her til now.
- Amanda does some target practice wearing one of Victoria's bracelets. When the cops find gun residue on it, they'll think it was she who shot Amanda.
- Aidan and Amanda get engaged (wahoo?)
- Victoria decides not to go to Amanda and Daniel's wedding the next day, which throws Amanda's gunfire plan for a loop.
So! That's where we left off. And now...Daniel and Amanda's wedding day! Well, this all goes according to plan, doesn't it? Eesh.
Exodus. In the Bible, it's when the Jews get out slavery in Egypt through the strength of God. In "Revenge," it's, well, not that, but I guess we can draw some parallels. Victoria leaving her comfy confines as a Grayson and onto the warpath for Amanda once and for all. Amanda leaving her past behind and officially becoming a Grayson (though that doesn't sound very fun). What do you think?
Anyways, as tonight is the winter finale, it's one of those full-circle episodes. So, we finally see what happens to Amanda the night she gets shot! The episode opens recapping that scene so it's fresh in our memory: Amanda on the yacht to Nantucket for her honeymoon, telling someone she's sorry, and then getting shot and going overboard. Hours before the wedding, there's more blood: Amanda drawing some of her own, to keep on reserve later, as she goes over her plan with Aidan and Nolan.
Elsewhere, Conrad finds Lydia's "burn book" and promptly puts the kabosh on their little fledgling love affair. Too bad, because they could have continued to wear fabulous silk robes together. Before she leaves, though, Lydia makes sure she hangs onto that incriminating pic of Amanda pre-Hamptons-lifestyle.
Amanda and Conrad have a heart-to-heart: Victoria's refusal to come to the wedding has devastated her, because Amanda has no family of her own. She tells Conrad that Patrick reminded Victoria of the effects her absence has. Conrad "gets the idea" (really Amanda planted it there) to invite Patrick to the wedding so that all will be right in the world!
Back at Voulez, Sara and her thick Queens accent pop by Daniel's office. She's there to officially say goodbye to him. She's sad, he's sad, the whole thing's not very joyous. And she's not the only one saying her goodbyes: Amanda visits Jack to bid him a fond farewell before the wedding. She tells Jack she was with Emily the night she died, and Jack's all like, "I can't believe you're ruining yet another moment in my life," because why did she wait so long to tell him that? "You've taken everything from me," he tells her through tears. Dude's kind of got a point.
Somewhere not going anywhere? Patrick. He tells Victoria he's not going anywhere anymore. It's these moments where we see a surprisingly tender side of Victoria. She really loves her son. But being back doesn't mean Patrick's ready to settle down with Nolan. He drives all the way to Nolan's house basically just to tell him he's not interested. Poor Nolan, can't catch a love break on this silly show!
Amanda's looking at old pictures of her and her dad when there's someone at the door: LYDIA. Oh, she's onto Amanda alright. She wants her house back, first of all. Done, Amanda says, but please don't ruin my wedding day. HA. Good luck.
OK, wedding festivities time! What would an episode of "Revenge" be without a party, right? How about the ultimate party? Must be finale time. So, during their getting-ready moments, Amanda tells Charlotte she loves her, and Char reciprocates, and that's nice. She leaves and Aidan enters the room. Amanda is nervous about Lydia and Aidan says he'll take care of it, then he slowly puts Amanda's garter on. Not how he imagined his future wife spending a Saturday -- getting ready for another wedding to another man -- but hey, all's fair in this crazy show.
So Nolan walks Amanda down the aisle (strangely missing: a bouquet of flowers -- was every expense spared here or no?) and gives her away to Daniel. Lydia tries to get into the service but Aidan stops that with a threat. During their vows, Amanda waxes poetic about Daniel making her the man she was meant to be, while a cool flashback showing highlights from the series (David Clarke being pulled away, Nolan bailing Amanda out of jail, etc.) played over it. Kudos showrunner Sunil. They say "I do" and Victoria's not happy. Were you surprised these two actually made it through the service to become Mr. and Mrs. Grayson?
At the reception, Daniel's drunk (that's what happens when Mom and Pop open the 1964 bottle of Glenlivet). Nolan steals a dance from Daniel and Nolan and Amanda say goodbye. It's sad! Nolan ends with a "Long live David Clarke" and then he's gone.
Elsewhere at the reception, Conrad calls out Margot for plotting against him. She tells him to not waste his time on this, for Lydia proved to be an unworthy source for Margot when she showed her true (albeit weird) alliance to Conrad. Huh, Conrad thinks, wheels turning in his head. Lydia loves him! Conrad finds Lydia at, where else, the South Fork Inn, where he gives her this lovey-dovey speech about her seeing his flaws. They get back together, Lydia's eyes on the picture of Amanda in the black wig the whole time. She can still cause havoc here. Ah, love.
Speaking of love, it's pretty much absent at Daniel and Amanda's wedding, what with Amanda faking the whole thing and Daniel hiding the back making secret calls to Sara. Yikes. Suddenly, Patrick gets a text from Nolan: "I know the truth about Father Paul!" Oh shiz. Patrick's gotta go handle this. It's basically a ruse to get Patrick to Nolan's house so Nolan can tell him how much he cares about him and he's gonna fight for him. Patrick realizes he can't rely on his mommy forever and it looks like he and Nolan are back on.
Before everyone takes off on for a family honeymoon cruise (whose idea was this? Amanda's? Worst ever) Daniel and Victoria have a little chat, where Victoria says Daniel looks trapped. Yikes! Conrad announces that his new paramour Lydia will be joining them on the boat. Well, dang, that does not sit well with Amanda. She tries to play nice, telling Conrad it is her wedding and all, and Conrad's like "It's my boat!" Sucks. Lydia corners Amanda and tells her she's doing this because she wants her to get exactly what's coming to her. Burn!
Jack and Sara watch footage of the wedding on TV, Sara miserably taking shots. Sara and Jack talk about forgiveness. Sara didn't forgive Daniel for everything because forgiving him means it's over, and she's not ready to let go yet. Looks like Jack is feeling the same way about Amanda (Amanda did leave him his wife's necklace, after all). Too bad Sara doesn't get this, because she hits on Jack and he instead calls her a cab. Later, Daniel gets a call that Sara tried to kill herself. Girl needs to confront her demons and work through them before she can take any more baking jobs.
Finally, aboard the yacht, the ruse begins. Amanda plays a video of her and Daniel's memorable moments, to serve as a distraction for everyone while she gets ready. She "accidentally" spills her drink on Victoria, who falls into the trap of heading to the washroom to tidy up. But wait! Lydia follows her in there. Crack in the plan #1: If Lydia's in there, she can tell the cops "No, Victoria didn't shoot Amanda, I was locked in a room with her downstairs." OK, so Lydia tells Victoria she's on her side, and shows her the pic of Amanda in the wig, which as we'll see has its repercussions. When Lydia gets out of the room, she finds Amanda upstairs and calls her out on everything! The fake pregnancy, the lies -- who is she, after all? Amanda tries to play it off, and admits to lying about the baby, but not everything else. Victoria says she's as meaningless as this bracelet on her arm, which happens to be the one Amanda coated in the gunpowder, before tossing it in the ocean. Amanda tries to stay cool as her plan unravels, but suddenly Aidan appears and kidnaps Victoria, so it looks like everything can still work, but wait! There's Daniel. He's smashed, and he's heard everything. And here's where we come full-circle: She tells him she's sorry, but it's not enough -- HE SHOOTS HER! Om em gee, overboard she goes, three bullets to the stomach. Daniel has a bit of a freakout and throws the gun overboard. The crew finds out someone's over and rushes upstairs. Daniel is surprisingly calm. Slowly it dawns on Charlotte and everyone else that Amanda is gone.
Off the boat, Patrick is looking through a drawer of remote controls at Nolan's place and finds a universal remote that unlocks a safe. Uh-oh! Nolan's full of secrets! Guess Patrick will find that out next season.
And then, at the end, there's Aidan and Jack on the beach, wondering where Amanda is. First: Why is Jack there, you wonder? Just to end things right with Amanda, he tells Aidan. He wants to give back that necklace. But Amanda was supposed to beat Aidan to the beach, and she's nowhere to be found. Well, her bloody wedding dress washing ashore doesn't really bode well, does it? They are screaming bloody murder, but before we can even wonder if Amanda makes it out of this mess alive, we're shown a sneak peek of the next episode, Jan. 5, which shows Amanda coming to her senses in the hospital. So we'll be right back to the drama in the new year.
Friends, what did you think of "Revenge'"s winter finale? Were you surprised that it was Daniel who shot Amanda? I was surprised to see Victoria finally call out Amanda on her BS. I hope there's more of that when the series picks up in the new year. I am gonna give the episode a full-out A, because it kept my attention (so much that I was screaming at the TV when the news broke in) and we the plot took some significant steps forward. Til 2014, readers, and thank you for sticking with me through this crazy journey. And oh yeah, as always, stay away from the Hamptons!