Amanda continues to f-- with everyone's life on "Revenge." Credit: ABC/ Richard Cartwright Amanda continues to mess with Daniel and Sara on "Revenge."
Credit: ABC

I’m sitting here drinking tequila on the rocks, which is fitting considering how on the rocks Amanda’s, Daniel’s, Victoria’s, Patrick’s – pretty much everyone’s – life is on this crazy show. That was a stupid analogy, but my point is that the drama’s not going anywhere tonight.

Amanda wakes up bleeding – she’s pulled out her stitches in the middle of night – and Niko’s summoned to fix her up. Amanda literally wants to be “fixed:” She gives Niko a fireplace iron and wants her to burn her stomach, finishing the job that Daniel started. At Victoria’s art studio, Nolan surprises Patrick with some paperwork about his real father.

Margot is all excited to see the final copy of Voulez, but when she opens it, she experiences every journalist’s worst nightmare: Her words being changed between her final approval and the printing. Egads! Back at Grayson manor, Conrad warns Amanda that Daniel will one day betray her, and that when he does, Conrad will be waiting for her at the South Fork Inn.

 

Well, that day comes a lot sooner than they think: Amanda goes to wake up Daniel and there he is, in their marital bed, canoodling with Sara. And they’re not ashamed to be caught at all. Well, Amanda’s not having any of this. She finds Sara at the Graysons’ pool the next day and chides her with the whole "you don’t fit in" speech. "What, because I’m trash?" Sara asks in her thick Brooklyn accent. Yes, precisely, that’s it. To which Sara orders a glass of Cristal. Burn.

Niko decides to play a rousing game of “You, Me and Dupree” by shacking up with Nolan and Aidan. Elsewhere, Daniel freaks out when he gets the new Voulez and sees the anti-Grayson comments. He knows his dad somehow involved Margot’s assistant Jessica in playing that out. Conrad decides to sue Voulez for slander. Meanwhile, on the other side of town (presumably), Patrick calls out his mom for keeping information about his dad from him.

Back at the house, Victoria confronts Daniel about his new mistress, but not in a “you shouldn’t cheat on your new wife” kind of way, rather a “Emily is smart and she will crush Sara” way. She would know, she says, because she crushed Conrad’s first wife in a similar manner. Huh. First we’re hearing of the primary Mrs. Grayson. HOW CONVENIENT CONSIDERING HOW THE EPISODE ENDS. We’ll get there.

Daniel and Amanda have one of their many spar sessions when he fires the Graysons’ housekeeping staff. Oh no! She will have to clean up all by herself! (By the way, how great was Daniel mimicking Amanda’s “whattt?” tonight? Could have been the best part of the episode).

Victoria and Patrick take a drive to spy on Patrick’s father, Jimmy Brennan. They find him outside his house playing with a little boy (a grandson, I guess). Patrick goes into this whole spiel about how he still feels unlovable at times. That’s all the interaction there is now, but we’ll learn more about Patrick’s father later.

Amanda writes a $100,000 check to the Graysons’ staff to cover their salaries, and explains to Nolan how she’ll take Sara down. Nolan’s all like, “Yeah, I know what you mean, she and Aidan are knocking boots every two seconds and it’s annoying,” to which Amanda is like WHAT? They’re together? Oh yeah, Emz. Your betrothed is back on with his fiery ex. Well, this presumably sends her into a tailspin, the details of which are shady: First, Amanda is seen swimming in the pool. Then, she gets dizzy, the screen goes black, and all of a sudden Amanda is in Aidan’s house, telling him she’s looking for Nolan. Readers, any insight to offer here?

Back in real life, Conrad meets with Margot and Daniel about Voulez, and Conrad says the only way he’ll drop the suit is if he can buy Voulez. Fine, Margot says, surprising her co-owner Daniel, who’s now been fired.

At Nolan’s house, worst-roommate-ever Niko is making a mess of Nolan’s kitchen by peeling a bunch of mango while simultaneously studying her father’s (bloody) autopsy pictures. She makes the connection that the weapon used was Aidan’s sword, which is now missing. But she doesn’t realize that the murderer is actually Aidan himself. Yeesh, for all her spy training, the answer’s right in front of her and she doesn’t even know it.

Sara prepares a fancy Italian dinner for Daniel (annoyingly overdoing it on her Italian accent when saying things like “primavera” and “gelato”), but Daniel’s not into it — he’s been fired, he tells her. So, to lighten the mood, instead of eating the dinner she slaved over, they’ll just head to Italy the next day. Rich people! Of course, Amanda overhears their plans (she has ears everywhere, as we all know).

At a dumpy dive bar, Victoria and Patrick continue the daddy discussion. Victoria gets up, drops her purse, and who picks it up but…JIMMY, Patrick’s dad! Suddenly, Victoria has a full-on panic attack. “Oh, she must have been raped,” my boyfriend comments from the wings. Poor guy is sucked into this show now. But anyways, kudos to him for figuring it out — Victoria did say she was with Patrick’s father for just a night, after all. They get back home, and Victoria details to her son the rape that resulted in his birth. The guy who plays Patrick did a terrible job conveying heartbreak in this scene, but he tried with some hand-over-the-mouth action. So, after Patrick was born, Victoria got offered a scholarship to Paris (we remember this from last season) and left her baby with a nun. She tells Patrick not to let this ruin his life like it did hers. Sad!

Finally some good news for Jack: He asks Margot to move in with him, and she says yes. Aidan continues to weave his own web of deception, fooling Niko into thinking he’s got a lead on the man who killed her dad — Gregor Hoffman, who killed Declan last season. Apparently he’s in Moscow, and he’s gotten Niko a flight (on which he’s not accompanying her). Niko realizes it’s because Aidan loves Amanda more than her.

Amanda is pretty sick of having Sara around, so she pulls an ultimate catty girl move: calls the girl’s mommy on her. Sara’s mom comes to the Grayson house, trying to get her daughter away from these bad influences, and when Sara tells her to mind her own business disowns her. Ouch! Not long after, Sara realizes this is a pretty bad sitch to be in — she tells Daniel that she wants out.

Apparently Nolan pulled up the Gregor info for Aidan, but there’s a problem: Aidan says Niko will actually find the guy, which wasn’t really part of the plan. Oh well, since he killed Declan, justice will be served, Nolan says. Meanwhile, while getting her bag together, she finds Aidan’s sword under the bed. Uh-oh!

At the end of the episode, Patrick burns the painting he’s been working on (and the floor under it), and Daniel gets violent with Amanda when he tells her that Sara left him. Sheesh, he’s kind of a monster. Anyway, Amanda’s still witty even when she’s being beaten by her husband — she tells him that they did this to each other: You take from me, so I take from you. Well, he follows up with what was actually the best line of the night: “Sterilizing you was my gift to the universe.” YOWZA! Suddenly, Amanda’s in another dizzy spell, and when she wakes, she’s in Conrad’s room at the South Fork Inn, and he’s complimenting her on their rendezvous from the night before, UH-OH, WHAT’S GOING ON THERE? And thennnnn, to bring the episode full circle, a woman we learn to be Mrs. Grayson No. 1 gets off a plane. Well, this can’t be good. We’ll have to wait a while to see what happens though — the next “Revenge” airs March 9, at a new time, too (10 p.m.)

Readers, what did you think of “Hatred”? I give tonight’s episode a C+. Not too much revelatory action here, but the plus is for Daniel’s insult at the end.

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