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The Kim Diaries: Sam Smith, Vogue, public restrooms and more

Welcome to "The Kim Diaries," a weekly post dedicated to satirically recounting Kim Kardashian's life.

Saturday

Dear Kim,
Today I wrote a poetry about the sky. It’s called “Blue”
B – blue
L – Light blue
U – underwater blue
E – electric blue
Kanye says it’s really good. I think so too.
Love,
Kim
Sunday
Dear Kim,
Today I looked at my horoscope and got really scared when it started mentioning all these like horrible things that would happen to me if I took too many advils. And then I realized I was reading an Advil bottle. So that was a close one.
Love,
Kim
Sunday, part two
Dear Kim,
We looked so good tonight didn’t we? Funny story. This whole time I thought BET was the channel people play poker on. Turns out it’s not?! Who knew.
Love,
Kim
Sunday, part three
Dear Kim,
Do you ever wonder if people think we’re hiding something in our mouths?
Things we could be hiding:
Gumballs
The tops of baby bottle pops
Small animals
Thumbtacks
Love,
Kim

Sunday, part four
Dear Kim,
Today I found this weird machine with wheels on it in a closet. It had a plug thingy like hair dryers do so I plugged it in and it started making all this noise. It was so scary.
Later when Kanye found me hiding in a closet he told me it was a “vacuum.”
Love,
Kim
Sunday, part five
Dear Kim,
Sometimes I forget where I am.
Wenesday
Dear Kim,
Who needs a mirror when you can just look at yourself on the cover of Vogue?
Love,
Kim
Wednesday, part dos
Dear Kim,
Today I met Sam Smiths. He’s the lead singer of “The Smiths.” He called me pretty. I like him.
Love,
Kim

Wednesday, part tres
Dear Kim,
Today I wandered past the fence of our compound and ended up in a public restroom. I was so effing scared I could not even literally exist. Hopefully someone finds me soon.
Love,
Kim
 
 
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