Oh no! Oh dear God, no! *shakes fist at sky, collapses in puddle of tears*


That was my exact reaction when I heard that Chris Brown had announced his decision to “quit music.” Nah, just kidding. I, along with what is likely most of the rest of the free world, just really DGAF.


Because, for one thing, his music is not that good. And, for another thing, remember that time he totally beat up his girlfriend and then, for some reason, we all totally overlooked it and sort of forgave him even? And, for a third thing.....


Oh, sorry, I just fell asleep at my desk for a second, trying to come up with something else interesting to say about Chris Brown.


On Tuesday, Brown took to his Twitter to announce that, after the release of his upcoming album “X,” he’ll be quitting the biz. To his credit — I’m using the word “credit” loosely here — he cited that the reason for this decision is that he’s "tired of being famous for a mistake I made at 18.” (See: totally beat up his girlfriend.) That’s fair, since he's been riding a wave of misguided fame off a really vile act for far too long.

Not for nothing, though, but I'm pretty sure that "battering women" falls less under the umbrella of youthful missteps and more in the category of "serious signs of a psychotic, misogynistic personality."

But yes, Chris Brown is purportedly leaving the business.Hit it and quit it, amirite bro? (zing)