"I'm up here." "I'm up here."

Jennifer Lawrence is finally speaking out about the nude photo hacking attack to which she and several other female celebrities fell victim. And as usual, Lawrence has some pretty awesome things so say, so we'll just let her speak for herself: "I was just so afraid. I didn't know how this would affect my career," Lawrence tells Vanity Fair. "Just because I’m a public figure, just because I'm an actress, does not mean that I asked for this. It does not mean that it comes with the territory. It's my body, and it should be my choice, and the fact that it is not my choice is absolutely disgusting. I can't believe that we even live in that kind of world."

There's a reason it took her this long to speak out, as the violation of privacy was understandably pretty tough to get over. "Every single thing that I tried to write made me cry or get angry," Lawrence says. "I started to write an apology, but I don't have anything to say I'm sorry for. I was in a loving, healthy, great relationship for four years. It was long distance, and either your boyfriend is going to look at porn or he's going to look at you." Which leads to one of the key points Lawrence so eloquently makes: Those photos aren't for you. "It is not a scandal. It is a sex crime. It is a sexual violation," she says. "Anybody who looked at those pictures, you're perpetuating a sexual offense. You should cower with shame. Even people who I know and love say, 'Oh, yeah, I looked at the pictures.' I don't want to get mad, but at the same time I'm thinking, I didn't tell you that you could look at my naked body."


Gerard Depardieu tell-all tells too much

Now, on to less serious topics, like Gerard Depardieu's past as a male prostitute. The highly quotable French actor — or is he technically a Russian actor now? I can't keep up — has a new autobiography, "That's the Way it Was," and it has some rather interesting revelations. For instance, as a teen and young adult in France, he worked as an escort. "I've known since I was very young that I please homosexuals," he writes — though that statement should probably be in the past tense, if you know what I mean. Oh, and not only did he please them, he would also sometimes mug them, which is just poor customer service. "At 20, the thug in me was alive and kicking." That thug in him also led him into the lucrative worlds of auto theft — for which he served time — and grave robbing. Delightful.

Depardieu also addresses that whole "I drink 14 bottles of wine a day" thing from a recent interview, and I have to give him this: he can be rather poetic. "I'm obsessed with the racket in my body, the beating of my heart, the gurgling of my intestines, my joints cracking," he writes. "I must drink so as not to hear it, so as not to go made from it. I can't get to sleep unless I am dead drunk." Just be sure to check your pockets when you wake up, Gerry. Karma can be rough.

The Queen's staff all up on Tinder and Grindr

This had to be an awkward security briefing. Queen Elizabeth is reportedly "deeply concerned" about safety at Buckingham Palace since so many of her staff are having overnight guests that they met through dating apps like Tinder and Grindr, according to the Daily Mail. "There are real and serious security concerns at Buckingham Palace about members of staff use of dating apps such as Tinder, which can be rather sleazy," a source says. "The palace police are particularly unhappy about the number of guests of servants staying overnight, especially when they may have only just met." First of all, I wish someone had been using a hidden camera when a staffer had to explain to the Queen about Grindr and Tinder. And secondly, there's a "let them eat cake" joke in here somewhere, but I'm not sure the end result is printable.

Michelle Williams' massive Brooklyn pad for sale

If anybody's looking for a swanky Brooklyn townhouse, Michelle Williams is all done with hers. The "Oz the Great and Powerful" star is putting the six-bedroom property on the market for $7.5 million, according to Radar Online. The ridiculously well-appointed home also has rustic hardwood floors, a library, 4.5 bathrooms — one with a claw-foot tub, even — a partially covered backyard patio and a three-car garage. All it needs is a hot tub and it could be the next "Real World" house.

Ghosts of entertainment past heading to TV

Today in the "everything old is new again" TV department, we have some good news and some bad news. First, the good news: David Lynch and Mark Frost are bringing back "Twin Peaks" 25 years after its cancelation as a limited series on Showtime sometime in 2016. The nine-episode run will continue the story from the original series, picking up 25 years later.

Now, for the less-welcome news: NBC is going back to the 1980s movie well for series ideas, as the network has ordered a script for a sitcom based on the John Cusack-starring classic "Say Anything," picking up 10 years after the end of the 1989 film. NBC previously optioned "Real Genius" and "Problem Child" for series adaptations, so apparently the trend of turning old TV shows into movies has been completely reversed.

UPDATE: Good news, folks! Thanks to a very unhappy Cameron Crowe — with whom NBC somehow didn't bother to check first — the "Say Anything" sitcom plan has already been scrapped!

Follow Ned Ehrbar on Twitter: @nedrick