Sheen ‘wins’ in record time

We were all about taking an extended Charlie Sheen vacation, but it seems you people — you people! — can’t get enough: His upcoming two-stop tour, “Charlie Sheen LIVE: My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is Not an Option,” broke a Ticketmaster record by selling out in 18 minutes, according to

Sheen took to Twitter to celebrate, thanking “Sheen’s Cadre” — again with you people! — for the triumphant display of “winning.”

Although an extended tour is rumored to be in the works, only Chicago and Detroit (and, we’re assuming, any “goddesses” within a 10-mile radius) will be privy to his “torpedo of truth” for now.

Alec Baldwin offers advice

No stranger to shaking things up in the media, Alec Baldwin offered some advice for Sheen over the weekend in an editorial for The Huffington Post. “Take a nap. Get a shower. Call Chuck. Go on Letterman and make an apology. Write a huge check to the B’Nai Brith. And then beg for your job back. Your fans demand it,” offers Baldwin.

Again, with the fans. More and more, we suspect our problem lies with Charlie Sheen’s fans, not the self-appointed warlock himself.

Jessica Biel out and about

After confirming her split from Justin Timberlake on Thursday, Jessica Biel was spotted in Los Angeles early Sunday morning, reports As for the split, “the two remain friends and continue to hold the highest level of love and respect for each other,” her reps tell the site.

If those Mila Kunis rumors turn out to be true, we’ll let you revise that one, Jess.

Give Jake a little space

While promoting his new flick “Source Code” at SXSW over the weekend, Jake Gyllenhaal got into a physical confrontation in the men’s room that ended with a visit from police. Seems the actor was, um, quite busy, when someone tried to snap a photo. “That’s true. I think it’s an appropriate space to keep privacy. I hope that people wouldn’t disagree with me on that,” he tells

Now, of course we wouldn’t — but we can’t speak for those Sheen fans.

–Dorothy Robinson will return to gossip duty on March 28.

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