George Clooney went and got himself hitched this weekend, so that means one thing: We need to hurry up and find Hollywood's Next Most Eligible Bachelor. It's a tough act to follow, to be sure, but someone out there has to be at least nearly as adept at being rakish and charming, looking great in a tux and squiring an unyielding stream of enviable girlfriends while avoiding talk of marriage. So, ladies, who is the new reigning king of single Hollywood? The smart money is on the ever-debonair Comedy Store heir Pauley Shore, who oozes confidence and sophistication. But Shore has some serious competition in A-list gala circuit fixture David Spade. But my money is on Ryan Seacrest. Is that guy ever going to meet the right girl and settle down?
All joking aside, the real answer is noted environmentalist, serious actor type and serial model defiler Leonardo DiCaprio — which is a bit awkward, since Clooney isn't such a fan of the "Great Gatsby" star. I'm sure he would've much preferred Shore, but hey, that's not up to him. Enjoy the honeymoon, George!
The tiger blood is ready to flow once more
It's been a while since Charlie Sheen has gone off the deep end, but he seems to be making sure that he'll have no one to help him out the next time he does. Sheen has reportedly fired longtime bodyguard Gil Peled, in a move similar to his firing last year of his manager, publicist and lawyer, according to Radar Online. Peled "worked for Charlie for years. He had been with Charlie through the good and the bad, including his many tumultuous meltdowns," a source says. "He protected Charlie from some pretty crazy stuff, and for him to be abruptly fired was just shocking to Charlie's friends." Buckle up, everybody.
Jon Stewart draws Directioner ire
The folks at "the Daily Show with Jon Stewart" learned the hard way not to kick the hornet's nest that is One Direction fandom, who lit up Twitter with the hashtag #thedailyshowgonetoofar after Jessica Williams mentioned the group in a joke. "Just as you were talking, a new terrorist group formed with one member each from ISIS, al-Nusra, al-Qaeda, Hamas, One Direction, and the Zetas drug cartel," Williams reported. Fans immediately assumed the show's writers were poking fun at Muslim One Direction member Zayn Malik. Some of the more choice responses to "the Daily Show" from One Direction fans included "Don't try joking with our boys, because we are Directioners and we are mafia," "I suggest you take 8,381 steps back before I actually kill you" and "It's not funny to make jokes about terrorism in the first place."
The writers for "the Daily Show," for their part, did have a response:
Dear 1D fans: We didn't know the band members' names, religions, hobbies, etc. Just knew they were popular. But not THIS popular. #whoa
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) September 26, 2014
Gwyneth Paltrow now 'consciously avoiding' Jennifer Lawrence
Gwyneth Paltrow is reportedly against the idea of her kids meeting dad Chris Martin's new girlfriend, Jennifer Lawrence. "Gwyneth was absolutely stunned when Chris told her he wants to introduce the kids to Jennifer," a source tells Star magazine. And that would've made a recent near-run-in super awkward. According to photo agency X17, Paltrow narrowly escaped seeing Lawrence when she picked up her children at Martin's Malibu home mere minutes before the "Hunger Games" star arrived. "They missed each other by about 10 minutes," a photographer camped out at the home reports. "They would have passed each other in Chris' driveway with the kids and that would have been so awkward. I have a feeling Gwyneth would not have been nice to Jennifer."
Well, this got awkward fast
Celebrity interviews can be a tricky, super-awkward business — especially if it becomes clear you haven't actually seen the movie — which is what happened when "Daybreak" reporter Chris Parente went off script with "the Skeleton Twins" stars Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader, asking Wiig a nudity-related question that had more to do with another of Wiig's films. "I will see the film when it opens in Denver this weekend," Parente promises.