Miley Cyrus has a Jiminy Cricket whose name is Demi Lovato. Credit: Getty Images Miley Cyrus has a Jiminy Cricket whose name is Demi Lovato. Credit: Getty Images

Watching Miley Cyrus perform does odd things to my brain.

I end up thinking things like, "Those dancers in the druggy teddy bear costumes don't look like they have much peripheral vision, I hope they don't fall off the stage," and "Miley must have amazing lipstick, it never smears even though she sticks out her tongue every 30 seconds," and "Billy Ray Cyrus and Robin Thicke must be about the same age — I bet they could be friends if his daughter wasn't dry humping him."

I guess I think these things because something in me refuses to think what Miley wants me to — namely, how shocking and edgy and sexy her performance is. Maybe it's her awkward dancing, maybe it's her smug "Take that, Middle America," expression, or maybe it's just too early in the morning to give a 20-year-old bazillionaire anything she wants. Whatever. The video's below. Have a look for yourself.

 

The 2013 MTV VMAs rolled into Brooklyn on Sunday night, bringing twerking teens, passive-aggressive behavior from Taylor Swift and a reunion more hotly anticipated than your high school’s 10-year.

Lady Gaga kicked off the night with a performance of her new single, “Applause,” Macklemore raked in the Moonmen, and, oh yeah, 'NSYNC reunited. Read Metro's full recap for all the big moments.

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