These are the people you should be watching on 'Bachelor in Paradise'

Monday night’s “Bachelor in Paradise” premiere looks poised to make the rest of the “Bachelor” franchise seem downright highbrow.

Bachelor in Paradise cast. Credit: ABC/Francisco Roman It's all fun and bikinis until somebody gets hurt.
Credit: ABC/Francisco Roman

 

Monday night’s “Bachelor in Paradise” premiere looks poised to make the rest of the “Bachelor” franchise seem downright highbrow. The spinoff rounds up hopefuls from seasons past for a sun-kissed, scantily-clad second chance at love. Each week, booted contestants will be replaced by sexy interlopers on a mission to shake up the nascent couplings already underway.

 

 

In the words of Chris Harrison during a promotional preview that aired during “The Bachelorette: Men Talk Back” episode, “you won’t believe the drama, heartbreak and just plain craziness that’s gonna happen this summer in ‘Bachelor in Paradise.’” Early clips promise backstabbing, romantic alliances, a health emergency, and people who can’t help how they feel.

 

Here are a few of the familiar faces coming to tropical Mexico for their chance to get back in the tabloids.

Sarah Herron: The sweet fan fave from Sean’s season was born with one arm that ends just above the elbow, which is likely to once again be reduced to a plot point. (Does anyone else get shot exclusively from the waist up?)

Lacy Faddoul: Although she was cast off early by Juan Pablo, Lacy is clearly vying for a stake in the “Paradise” narrative. One extended sneak peek shows her happily splashing around in a pink bikini while her housemates judge. She’ll frolic into the ocean with anyone, they allege.

Tasos Hernandez: His goodbye clip on “The Bachelorette” got bumped for a memorial interview about fellow contestant Eric Hill’s tragic death. Now he’s back to get the time he deserves!

Michelle Money: Brad’s season’s resident villainess is not here to make friends, again. Smack talk is even smackier in a bikini!

Marcus Grodd: Bachelorette Andi’s ho-hum fourth place finisher may get his chance to shine by showing off his personality’s sole asset: a chiseled, geometric set of abs.

Chris Bukowski: After being ditched by Emily on “The Bachelorette,” Chris crashed Episode One of Andi’s season by hiding in the bushes outside of the mansion and begging for a chance to be included in the competition. Andi didn’t have the heart to do that to the other guys, but Chris’ rule-bending creepitude will take him far in Paradise.

Cody Sattler: The Stretch Armstrong lookalike got dissed by Andi in Venice during their “Romeo and Juliet” inspired one-on-one date. His insistence on being inspired by the romance of the Shakespearean play betrayed the fact that he was unfamiliar with the ending. Rest assured that “Bachelor in Paradise” will be no place for literary allusion.
Here’s hoping that no one is there for the right reasons.

 
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