'True Blood' returns for its seventh and final season exclusively on HBO. Credit: HBO 'True Blood' returns for its seventh and final season exclusively on HBO. Credit: HBO

Season 7 of “True Blood” is on and off to a very eventful start. So I decided to break down the episode in sight of major events:

The screeching cry of a woman

After the Season 6 finale ended with what looked like a Walking Dead version of bloodthirsty vampires, Hep-V vamps crash the vampire-human mixer at Bellefleur's. They start killing off humans and all vampires who try to protect them. But at the sound of a whistle, all Hep-V vamps disappear at once. Does that mean they answer to a master? Hm. We’ll have to see. The scene is left in a blood bath but not everyone who’s gone is dead. The Hep-V vamps took some humans as leftovers for later, including Holly and Arlene. As Sookie looks around, she hears the screeching cry of a woman and follows her voice. Of course, Bill, Jason, Lafayette and anyone else who’s important follow close behind. The terrible shrills are coming from Tara’s mom and, that’s right, you’ve guessed it, Tara is dead (!) Surprisingly, Sookie manages to shed one tear in the passing of her best friend. Maybe she feels the same as Lafayette, who confessed to James that he grieved the first time she died so the second time around he was pretty much over it.


“It ain’t fair”

Once the survivors are back in the bar, Lettie Mae sets aside her convictions against vampires and drinks Willa’s blood to heal herself. Sookie starts hearing everyones thoughts and finds out most of them think she’s a whore (no surprise there) and almost all of them, including Alcide, blame her for what happened. So naturally, she does what every foolish blonde does in a horror film – walks home alone through the woods at night and conveniently throws her phone into the woods. After Alcide confronts her about why she walked home without telling anyone, she tells him she read his thoughts and knows that he blames her for what happened along with just about everyone else in town. Alcide tells Sookie, “It ain’t fair to judge me and push me away ‘cause of something I thought.” I think we’d all get into a lot more fights if we could read our boyfriend’s thoughts. After Sookie says she needs time alone, she quickly forgives Alcide and crawls into bed with him naked.

A change of heart

After Vince sees Sam turn from dog to human, he confronts him about it in the bar. No, there isn’t any breakout bar fight (in which case, Sam would totally win) but rather Sam tells Vince they’ll talk about it later and given the circumstances, it seems just about anything is possible in Bon Temps so he lets it go (for now).
Sam and Bill encourage every vampire to escort their assigned human back home. Once at home, Tara’s mom, high on vamp blood, starts hallucinating about Tara not being in heaven (which she’s probably right about, though I’m not sure how vampire heaven works). With Eric gone and Tara dead, Willa petty much has nowhere to go so although Tara’s parents despise vampires, they’re still good ol’ Christians who are thankful to Willa for helping them, thus they take her in allowing her to stay in their basement.

Erotic Faerie blood

Jessica promises to protect Adilyn and stays guard outside the house. The two start to reminisce until some half-dead Hep-V vamp comes to kill Adilyn, smelling her erotic faerie blood from miles away. After what seems like hours of standing guard, Jessica makes Adilyn drink her blood so that she will always know where she is and so that she can always protect her.

Meanwhile in Morocco

Pam plays Russian roulette to get some answers about Eric’s whereabouts. She meets with a guy named Najat who hands her a map. (That was easy). Who are we kidding? In a world of good vamps versus bad vamps, everything’s complicated. Although we may have watched Eric burst into flames on the snow-covered mountaintops of Sweden, I refuse to believe he’s gone in a blaze of bad special effects because, let’s face it, he’s Eric Northman and the final season just started.

On the hood of a cop car

While Violet and Jason are out investigating, Violet defends Jason against the townspeople rebelling against sheriff’s orders, which leaves him looking like a wuss. Jason finally gets upset, slams his car door and walks out into the open highway. “I am a man,” Jason tells Violet, “I’m an f—ing officer of the law. You left me standing with my dick out back there. How do you think that makes me feel?” Violet asks what he’s going to do about it and Jason decides he’s fed up with waiting. His 178-day streak of one-way pleasure ends on the hood of his cop car. Apparently they forgot there’s an Armageddon-like war going on around them.

Nesting grounds

At least Bill and Andy are doing their job. They find quite a scary sight in an old abandoned warehouse coincidently called the “slaughterhouse.” A couple of brave civilians also show up while on the hunt to find their loved ones. Lucky for Sookie, these four humans blame sheriff Andy for what’s happened to the town. Despite their differences, Andy stands up for Bill after they threaten to kill him, but later he assures Bill that doesn’t mean they’re on good terms. Andy tells Bill, “There ain’t nothing in this world that can make right what you done to me and my family.”
Meanwhile the Hep-V vamps have taken over Fang-tasia and are keeping their victims hostage in the basement, killing them off one by one. Of all places, why didn’t they think to look there first?

In conclusion

Jessica continues to stand guard outside the Bellefleur house till daybreak. As the sun begins to rise, Adilyn is desperate to return the favor of saving Jessica’s life and invites her in against Jessica’s will. But when Adilyn foolishly takes a step outside, Jessica rushes to push her inside and closes the door behind them, leaving the Hep-V vamp outside to burn. In an attempt to not drain Adilyn of her sweet faerie blood, Jessica retreats to the attic of the house.
At last, after a long and devastating weekend, Sookie finds herself in Rev. Daniel’s church sitting behind Tara’s mom. When Sookie places a hand on her for comfort, Lettie Mae let’s her know what’s on her mind. At least she has the decency to speak her mind to Sookie’s face, while everyone else silently sits in church and shamelessly degrades Sookie Stackhouse with their thoughts. Finally, Sookie can take no more. She stands up in church and confesses that she can read everyone’s thoughts. For once Sookie tells them what she thinks and reveals her intentions. “For better or for worst,” she says, “nobody in this town knows vampires better than me and I want to help. Please, let me help.

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