Who would try to steal Serena Williams’ phone?

In the pantheon of dumb criminals, this guy who thought he could outrun Serena Williams has got to be one of the dumbest. The tennis champ took to Facebook to regale fans and friends with a tale of a dinner out for Chinese food (“delicious, I may add”) turning into an audition for Wonder Woman. “When least expected, low and behold this common petty thief grabbed my phone and swiftly left,” she writes in the post, which was accompanied by a photo of her photoshopped into a Supergirl costume.

“I jumped up, weaved my way in and out of the cozy restaurant (leaping over a chair or two) and chased him down,” she continues. “He began to run but I was too fast. (Those sprints came in handy) I was upon him in a flash!” She confronted her adversary, who played dumb and claimed he’d grabbed the wrong phone. Sure, buddy. That explains the running.

Williams ends her post with a not-so-subtle reminder that she’d make a great superhero, if Marvel or DC are looking for anyone: “Superhero? Maybe? Or HELL YEA!! I’ve got the speed the jumps, the power, the body, the seduction, the sex appeal, the strength, the leadership and yet the calm to weather the storm,” she boasts, and rightfully so.

Follow Ned Ehrbar on Twitter: @nedrick