Is there a word for the burgeoning literary sub-genre of celebrity parental regret memoirs? There should be! It seems you can't birth a celebrity these days without becoming afflicted with a strange compulsion to tell the world that the money-hungry entertainment industry has corrupted your sweet child, and wouldn't everyone like to pay you money to explain exactly how?
The newest wunderkind of this movement is Mary Perry Hudson, mother to Katy Perry, who for weeks has been pitching a memoir detailing exactly how ashamed she is of her daughter's sexy, sexy outfits. As the proposal (obtained by the New York Post) reports, there is nothing more worrisome than Katy Perry's cleavage:
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"Katy stepped out from behind the changing doors in a tiny risqué costume. No mother wants to see the top of her daughter's boobs . . . My first instinct was to order her back behind those doors and demand she put something else on."
The elder Perry also fears that her daughter's pop music is leading American teens astray:
"I recognized the psalmist gift in her performance. Yet she sang out, "I kissed a girl, and I liked it," while thousands joined her. One part of my heart soared . . . the other part broke for the thousands of hungry souls being fed something that didn't nourish their spirit, but fed their flesh."
Elsewhere in the pitch, Mary rhetorically wonders how she can save her daughter from the dollar-grubbing, exploitative world of Hollywood. Supply your own punch line to that sentence in the comments! Meanwhile, we're going to think of other things Katy Perry's mom disapproves of:
»Soda pop that's not ginger ale
»Cereal for breakfast even though it's after 11.
»Those new headset things that make people look like they're talking to you when they're really on the phone.
»People who drive with the windows down while listening to the radio really loud.
»Ice cream on school nights.
»Not writing thank-you notes.
»Playing videogames while everyone else is cleaning up for dinner.