What do the rich and famous do over Thanksgiving break? They probably don’t do what we do, which is hanging out in our hometown bars, drinking cheap domestics with people from high school. However, what if they did? For this special Black Friday Word, Metro staffers imagined what kind of discussions the rich and famous have at their hometown hangs.
“Oh… Kelly and Michelle… Hi! Um, long have you guys been bartending here?” – Beyonce
“Soooo, do you have SnapChat?” – Anthony Weiner
“I don’t know, y’all. Have I made enough of a statement this year that I am finally a woman?” – Miley Cyrus
“Guys, I know it’s not like me to walk away from a fight, but if I get nabbed one more time for beating somebody up, I’ll go away for a long time. Now, let’s just chill, get another pitcher of Miller Lite and play some Keno.” – Chris Brown
“Oh man, bro, last time I saw you, we were, what, in middle school? Can’t believe it’s been 5 years!” – Justin Bieber
“Wait, what?! You prefer the dark meat? Oh, hell no! Bartender, keep the White Russians comin’ sugar…” – Paula Deen
“Ima let you finish that Pabst, bro, but I have to tell you… I’m pretty sure my Thanksgiving stuffing recipe is the best recipe of all time. OF ALL TIME” – High art genius Kanye West.
“Yeah, everyone is totally buying this sweet goofy girl act! Whatever, more money in my pocket. God I hate my fans.” – Jennifer Lawrence
“Good to see everyone, eh? So you guys remember that weird older dude Doug we used to buy drugs from in high school? Oh man, I know! Us crazy kids, eh? But uh, yeah, anyone keep in touch with that guy? Asking for a friend.” -Rob Ford [Editor’s note: We know Canadian Thanksgiving is in October; please grant us this creative license that Rob Ford hangs out in townie bars when he’s home on break]