Halloween is one of those yearly events I just love to hate.
Every year, I experience a childlike excitement as I indulge in not-so-sinful bite-sized chocolate bars and watch homemade haunted houses sprout up on lawns around my neighbourhood. But my delight in all the tacky accoutrements of this devilish day is always offset by the horror of heinous costume crimes on the night of the 31st.
Dress-up offences usually come in three forms: Animals in costume, racially charged characters, and the slutty nurse.
First of all, please stop forcing your pets into obnoxious critter costumes. Your extremely co-operative cats and dogs are not amused and you’re only embarrassing yourself. I cringe every time I see a poor creature outfitted in some sort of “adorable” Halloween outfit. Next time you’re bored at work, do a quick Google image search on “Why dogs hate Halloween” and you’ll see what I’m talking about.
Next up, the tricky terrain of playing race-card dress-up. Here is a simple rule of thumb for all of you considering a costume that involves a change in ethnicity: Don’t do it. Just because it’s Halloween doesn’t make it excusable. No matter how hilarious you think your version of Old Spice Guy will be, you are going to offend someone. Blackface is never a good idea.
And finally, the worst costume offence of them all — the slutty nurse. Of course, by “slutty nurse” I really mean the slutty cat, slutty pirate, slutty cop and all of the other frighteningly revealing outfits that have become such an unavoidable part of Halloween.
Did I miss something? When did we get together and decide that from age 16 onwards all female costumes have to be promiscuous?
Every year, no matter how you choose to celebrate this spook-tacular day, you will inevitably encounter a group of creepy guys in store-bought costumes oogling nearly naked cowgirls and sexy sailors.
Not only are these over-sexed ensembles predictable and unimaginative – they’re also seriously impractical. Guess what, ladies? We live in Canada. The average late October nighttime temperature usually hovers around the freezing mark. It is too cold to go outside wearing a barely there leotard and animal ears.
I’m begging you, stop putting the trick in trick or treat and dream up an original costume for a change.
– Read more of Jessica Napier’s columns at www.metronews.ca/shesays