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Home Heist not for everyone – Metro US

Home Heist not for everyone

Colin and Justin’s Home Heist isn’t about decorating to sell, the designers say.

What do the phrases “A baguette is not a threat!” and “Never boast about toast!” have in common? The answer is, they were scrolled, graffiti-like, across the “before” kitchen cabinets in this week’s Home Heist. We never got to the bottom of their “sentiment” but, nevertheless, they helped make for a fabulous hour of television.

Positively strange, from the outset, we also never totally bonded with Laura and James, our quirky contributors. They tried everything to talk us out of our proposed colour scheme (bright yellow and black) but, if truth be known, we sensed something else was odd from the moment we walked through their front door.

But back to that graffiti. As the backdrop to a ramshackle kitchen, we were absolutely staggered at how awful everything was. We wondered if the lunatic scrawling was the work of a minor — but Laura and James don’t have kids. Little wonder, then, that they called us in to repair their landscape of interior desecration. But from the minute we met them, we suspected they had an agenda. What lay at the root of that agenda, however, would continue to puzzle us until our project drew to a conclusion.

And so it came to pass that Laura and James, a pair of filmmakers, battled our every twist and turn in their desperate attempt to halt our yellow and black designer mission. They also tried to veto our plans for their master bedroom (which, admittedly, had a touch of the Tim Burton courtesy of a shimmering gold and black forest wallpaper we shipped in from Britain) even though we also intended lavishing it with lashings of Mies Van der Rohe furniture.

Ah well, you can’t please all the people all the time. The problem was, though, that on this occasion, we couldn’t please “our” people any of the time! Every time we brandished our black brushes (at window shutters, door surrounds and, in fact, anything that didn’t move) Laura and James winced. When we unveiled a brand new jet black kitchen (complete with vivid yellow mosaic tiling), their expressions became tortured. Then, when we installed floor to ceiling silver birch tree trunks as an organic room divide, our couple almost fainted.

All things considered, however, our time with Laura and James was fun, if a little fraught. We genuinely wanted to create a wonderful “new” home where they could settle into their future. But it seemed our intrepid filmmakers had a different ending in mind. No sooner had we finished creating their yellow and black abode that the sting in the tail finally appeared. Yup, when we spotted a sale board in their garden a couple weeks later, it came as no surprise. Little wonder then, that they’d winced every time our niche market scheme developed even further! You see, Home Heist isn’t about decorating to sell — it’s about building personal home environments. And, as much as the scheme was dramatic, it wasn’t about tempting homogenous homebuyers who like everything painted magnolia.

But we digress. As it stands, Laura and James still haven’t offloaded their wasp-like yellow and black nest. Had they only told us, however, of their moving intentions, we might have selected a slightly less “in-your-face” approach.

Regardless, it made for one of our favourite episodes ever.

top tips when selling your home
  • Keep colour schemes muted. Provide visual accents with throws and pillows instead.

  • Keep personal details to a minimum. Pack away family photos and personal items. Buyers like to imagine themselves in your home.

  • Keep your home smelling good by opening windows before potential buyers arrive. Avoid supermarket room sprays; opt for scented candles instead.

  • Make and photocopy a list of local schools, shopping and amenities and hand to each viewer. While your home is about bricks and mortar, it’s also about location. Don’t miss a trick!

HGTV hosts Colin and Justin continue their mission of beautification with their Canadian design series Colin & Justin’s Home Heist, airing Tuesdays and Saturdays at 9 p.m. ET on HGTV. www.hgtv.ca