Oh, the mythical mile high club. Everyone has a friend of a friend who engaged in some hanky panky for some extra fun in-flight entertainment, but author Owen Beddall of “Confessions of a Qantas Flight Attendant” says joining the club is easier than you think. The former flight attendant to stars like Katy Perry and Cate Blanchett shared his secrets on knocking knees without causing too much turbulence.
1. Play it cool: “People sometimes are too obvious and try to over compensate for what they have planned,” says Beddall. “They will come up and tell you that they have to go into the toilet together for some absurd reason or they get too passionate and they think they have closed and locked the door when they haven’t.”
2. Be polite: Beddall says it’s not possible to catch every couple trying to get some action in the bathroom. “Sometimes you don’t catch them on the way in, but you may see them on the way back and it is very obvious,” he says. “Sometimes we look at these couples and think, ‘Wow, I might try and join in,’ but mostly we will turn a blind eye.” Beddall says there’s no need for a bribe, but be responsible: “It would be nice if you left the bathroom the way you found it.”
3. Buy a first class ticket: Granted, not everyone can afford to be in first class, but basically, these high-rolling passengers get away with a lot. “In first class, it’s pretty much do what you want,” explains Beddall. Shy passengers beware: “There are a maximum of 14 passengers and if two are away in the bathroom, it is very obvious.” Beddall says some particularly ballsy first class passengers even try to get in bed with each other: “Sometimes you have to stand over them and say, ‘Ahem … would you mind returning to your own seat?'”
4. Assume a good position: Obviously, space constraints make most sex positions impossible in the loo. Beddall has some suggestions: “Well I would say, the ‘squat and drop.’ where one person would have to sit on top of the other, or maybe doggy style at a stretch.”
5. Timing is key: Beddall says to have a game plan if you want to join the mile high club. “Pick your time,” he says. “So, when the plane is quiet and not in full service – pardon the pun – and lit up like Times Square. Also, please be discreet. Other than that, maybe try a few acrobatic moves and get your travel companion trained up as well.”
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