When I first began writing A Guy Thing in November 2003, I understood there would be plenty to cover when it came to men’s issues, but I still worried the material well might run dry in trying to fill a highly-targeted column every two weeks for the foreseeable future.
As I hammer out this, the 100th instalment, it’s obvious that maybe I underestimated the wealth and diversity of topics relating to those of us with an XY karyotype.
Some of those have included male-female relationships, sports, the annoyance that has become the modern bachelorette party, fitness, politics (plenty of e-mails about those ones), movies, fashion, grooming, racial profiling, gift-giving and even my first road trip with the fiancée.
Borrowing from a popular feature in Esquire magazine, there are a few things I’ve learned along the way, namely:
Never trust a man who’s named after a fruit drink.
Beware the stereotype. Just because some guys act in a certain fashion doesn’t mean we all do.
My colleague Rick McGinnis may be correct that Top Gun is one of the most homoerotic films off all time, but it’s still awesome — and come Halloween, women love a guy in a flight suit and aviators.
When your girlfriend tells you to turn left in a foreign country, use your instincts and hang a right.
It doesn’t take much to look good, just a decent razor and a touch of effort in the morning (think minimal contemporary fashion sense, deodorant and a mirror).
If you have to shower her with lavish gifts or change your personality to win her affections, she’s not the right girl. Betty trumps Veronica any day. Luckily, few women fall into the latter category.
Good nutrition, cardio, weight training, rest. You will remain fit.
Men and women have VERY different ideas of the ideal aesthetic. Despite what you may think, an abnormally large penis probably isn’t included in hers.
And women want to know what men are thinking. The majority of e-mails I receive about A Guy Thing (only a handful of which have been irate) are from women who enjoy reading about men’s topics.
Perhaps it’s a forum in which to connect with the opposite sex — or an inexpensive way to attempt to decode the seemingly simplistic, but amazingly complex, male mind.
Oh, and one last thing — waxing, which I attempted for this column, sucks.
When she heads to the spa for her next Brazilian, lavish her with Veronica-worthy gifts. Worship her.
Then thank the merciful gods that she likes a guy with body hair.