Relationship sex doesn't have to be boring. Relationship sex doesn't have to be boring.

So you’ve had sex with the same person seemingly 18 million times and you’re feeling a little bored? (It’s okay, you don’t have to admit it out loud). Here’s how to re-kindle the heat and get the spice back.

1. Try.

When you’re in a long-term relationship you can get lazy, stop trying to impress your partner, and stop making good sex a priority (as long as you throw it in before bed a few nights a week that’s cool right?). It’s not that you’re a bad lay, it’s that you’ve stopped trying to be good. If you had a one-night-stand with someone from your office you'd be a rock star simply because you care to impress them (it could be the first and last chance you’ll ever get to show them what you’re made of). So go home tonight, and take the initiative to do your old ball-and-chain like it’s the last time you’ll get to sleep with them.

 

2. Mix it Up.

Sex gets boring when it's set up the same way every time. This applies to positions of course, but also to timing. Is the only time you’re having sex right before going to sleep in bed? Why wait til you’re tired and sex feels predictable? Rip your lover’s clothes off the second you walk in the door. Have sex on the kitchen table right after dinner. Meet at home for “lunch” if your schedules allow it. Do it on the couch halfway though a movie. Just get out of the bedroom and do it before 10pm!

3. Be Worthy of Getting Laid.

Sex is just as psychological as it is physical. If you’ve stopped connecting emotionally, then you're probably not going to connect physically either. Make sure that things are still exciting in your non-sexual relationship. Are you planning fun and exciting dates for each other? Are you learning more about each other and more about yourself? Are you taking up new hobbies and interests that keep you evolving as person? The less stagnant you can be as a person and as a lover, the hotter sex you will have. That, I can promise.

Amber Madison is a Manhattan-based relationship expert and dating coach. She is the author of ‘Are All Guys Assholes?’ You can follow her on Twitter @ambermadi.

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