Unf— Your Habitat
Platform(s): iOS and Android
One of these days very soon, it might actually be nice outside without the threat of a sudden, spirit-crushing swing back to polar conditions. That means it will actually feel like spring in addition to it actually being it. And that means that you will finally have no excuse to live like a filthy bear who’s been hibernating for longer than you would have liked. And because it’s been so long since there’s been any actual warmth in your life, you probably need a cleaning motivator that’s unfathomably rude.
Enter “Unfilth Your Habitat,” an app that seeks to make you less of a dirty derelict. The title is how it appears on hoity-toity app stores. The real name is “Unf— Your Habitat,” which better prepares you for the bottomless guilt tripping by way of “Veep”-level swearing you’ll endure on the path to cleaning up your living space.
For an app that’s supposed to simplify your life, Unf— Your Habitat offers a myriad of ways to use it. The lazy can do random challenges, from 5-minute quickies (cleaning your computer keyboard, cleaning the microwave, actually watering your plants so they don’t die) to slightly more ambitious tasks (moving furniture, vacuuming, “unf—ing your bookshelf”). More together types can create lists of things they want to “unf—“ — although if you do that, you might not need this app.
To be honest, all the free-flowing profanity promises more rudeness than is actually delivered. There’s some choice swearing and hostility, but it could stand — like “Veep” — to have a swearing consultant, to step up the creativity and volume of the cussing. The section for “random unf—ing motivation” is good, not great, and could definitely stand a sweary amplification in future updates.
Follow Matt Prigge on Twitter @mattprigge