This one’s easy: Just throw on a pair of designer glasses that perfectly fit your face. Then get a blow-out that’s not too fussy but adds enough volume and shine to show you care. Lose 15 pounds, and wear something young but expensive. Accessorize with a great job and a ton of talent that you brush off. Wait a second — Tina Fey, we’re on to you, girl.
The essentials: A vintage A-line dress, lots of eyeliner, sexy librarian glasses, knee socks, rainbows. Bonus points: An entourage of girls in their 20s who resent you for reasons they can’t quite explain.
Sexy Louis C.K.
Cut a too-deep V in an oversize black T-shirt that’s faded enough to really show the grease stains. If possible, resist the urge to retell any C.K. jokes about having sex with dead things.
Shower with things that smell rich, woodsy and a little clueless. Put on a very large, very expensive watch. Don’t read anything about how to play pool. And … well, you’re good to go.
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Avril Lavigne/ Chad Kroeger
The perfect couple’s costume for the end of the world: Rummage through the Hot Topic clearance rack, then roll around on the floor — making sure to soak up all that was wrong with 10 years ago. Hit on the underage cashier, douse yourself in Axe spray and go shoot some “edgy” engagement shots. (Pictured:?projected offspring)