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Buy your daughter a roofie-proof flask to protect her from campus rape

Oh, sure.
campus sexual assault
Innocent ISTOCK model or not, don't trust this dude. Pour your own drinks. Photo: ISTOCK

Today, my inbox was violated by a press release for a new product that will allegedly keep college-bound daughters of America safe from date rape. It’s called the Drink in the Box Unique, and it basically looks like a flask with a straw. 

It was pitched as a personalized “drink system” designed to prevent any drink tampering at college parties. It “easily slips into a purse, bag or large pocket, allowing users to bring their drinks with them at all times, whether it’s the restroom or outside for a breath of air.” Ah, yes, in college I used to love taking my adult beverage with me to pee. Bummer when you leave it on the back of the toilet, though. 

“The strong seal prevents spilling, leaking and squirting while the straw helps keep teeth clean and lipstick in place.” How is this not just a high-tech, alcoholic juice box?

It’s “perfect not just for parties but studying at the library and working out at the gym too.” Boozin’ anytime, all the time. It’s phthalate, BPA and BPS free, so you won’t get cancer.  

Can you imagine being 18 years old and your dad gifts you this flask to “keep you safe at college”? That fall, you show it off to your friends one night in the freshman dorms. And when they ask where you got it, in between sips of Malibu and Diet Coke you tell them, “My dad gave it to me so I wouldn’t get raped.” And then you all burst into hysterics over how ridiculous it is. 

Sexual assault on college campuses is a serious issue in our country. According to RAINN, 23 percent of undergraduate women ages 18 to 24 “experience rape or sexual assault through physical force, violence, or incapacitation.” We need to do a lot more to keep young women safe than give them badly branded sippy cups.