Zima
Zima is back. Oh, joy? Photo: MillerCoors

I have never had a sip of Zima and I regret nothing. 

 

MillerCoors is bringing back the 90s-era fizzy, citrusy, alcoholic sugar water for a limited summer release and I won’t be trying it. 

 

Just going on the official Zima website, which is lit up and animated in some kind of fuzzy, forced-retro aesthetic, like a busted pinball machine, hurt my eyes so much I had to exit out in less than two minutes. 

 

“Tons of people have been asking for Zima to make a comeback, and this summer seemed like the perfect time,” Tristan Meline, senior marketing manager of innovation at MillerCoors writes in the release. “Whether you remember it or not, this summer is your only chance to taste the ‘it’ drink of the ‘90s.” Again, hard pass.  

 

MillerCoors encourages folks to share their Zima memories with the hashtag #ZimaisBack. If you really don’t have anything else to do with your time, you can visit the Zima Facebook to  “debate the merits of what should really come back from the 90s and what should stay there forever through the interactive “Back, Not Back” series.” Jesus. 

OK, so some folks are pumped. 

This guy is prepared to buy up the whole damn store:

Ugh apparently people used to drink it with Jolly Ranchers. Gross. 

Yeah is this going to be a thing on Tinder for the rest of the summer? “I just picked up a case of Zima, wanna f—k?” 

If you follow Plan Z, better take a Plan B. 

The 90s antecedent of fellow questionable beverages Smirnoff Ice and Mike’s Hard Lemonade is available in six-pack form nationwide from now through Labor Day, if you're feelin' the hype. Knock yourself out, I guess!