Herman Cain has been accused of sexual harassment by four different women, but today all everyone wants to talk about is his opinion on pizza.
In an interview with GQ magazine (conducted in mid-October, before the sexual-harassment news broke), Cain gave the high-class lad-mag his thoughts on pizza. Specifically, what pizza has to do with his ideas on gender roles:
Chris Heath: What can you tell about a man by the type of pizza that he likes?
Herman Cain: [repeats the question aloud, then pauses for a long moment] The more toppings a man has on his pizza, I believe the more manly he is.
Chris Heath: Why is that?
Herman Cain: Because the more manly man is not afraid of abundance. [laughs]
Devin Gordon: Is that purely a meat question?
Herman Cain: A manly man don't want it piled high with vegetables! He would call that a sissy pizza.
Chris Heath: Are there Democratic pizzas and Republican pizzas?
Herman Cain: Nope, nope, nope. It's like a good idea: if it's great pizza, it transcends party affiliation, just like a good idea—like 9-9-9. [laughs]
In deference to Mr. Cain's pizza expertise, here at Metro we firmly believe there are both Democratic pizzas and Republican pizzas. In fact, we've recently received secret information about what toppings each of the major candidates in the 2012 presidental election prefers. We've illustrated our intel below. Take a look!
A pizza that looks totally new and interesting in the commercials, but once you take it out of the box you realize it tastes pretty much the same as every other pie you've had.
KFC Double Downs on half, for the primary voters; kale chips and organic granola on the other half, for the general.
Pepperoni, and sausage, and, uh, well, umm, oops.
Gold! All the delicious gold!
A pizza that seems totally fine, but for some reason absolutely no one wants to eat it.
UPDATE: While we were concentrating on what Herman Cain thought about pizza, we completely ignored what Herman Cain thought about Libya. The answer? Not much! Take a look: