There’s an entire movement of people who think Beyonce is faking her pregnancy (from here on out, they shall be referred to as “bumpers”). These bumpers first pointed to Beyonce’s appearance at the VMAs and claimed she used padding. And now their cause is further inflamed thanks to this interview with an Australian TV show that aired on Sunday. If you look at the stills, you can see that when she sits down, her belly seems to crumple and then deflate. Me? I think it’s just a bad angle. But are you still not convinced? Do you need more conspiracy theories to get you through your day? Watch the video, and then let's discuss!

Then here are a few hypothetical things that might be happening:

1. She is pregnant, but she is using some sort of bump smoother.

I'm guessing she is four or five months pregnant in this video. And a lot of times, when you’re in the second trimester, a lady’s baby bump isn’t adorable, it’s just plain fat. She could be wearing some kind of undergarment that smooths out the chubbiness into more of an aesthetically pleasing bump. And what you see in the stills is just a regular stomach dent when you sit down. Plus, you can see that girlfriend has pregnancy boobs. She’s not faking those.

2. A surrogate is carrying the baby.

This scenario is being widely circulated on the Internet. That because of her vanity, Beyonce is just paying someone else to go through the pain — and the sloppy postpartum body — that comes with pregnancy. But, come on. I can see, say, Victoria Beckham doing such a thing. But Beyonce, although beautiful, has never struck me as so vain to pull off this level of a charade. With her kind of money, she can snap her body back in no time. And, she is playing up this baby bump like no other celebrity has ever played a fetus. Check out her new video for “Countdown.”

 

3. Jay-Z has fathered another child and the couple plans on passing it off as their own.

This just makes me feel yucky. But look, even though they are pretty much the most famous couple on the planet, even they can get a divorce if it was discovered that yes, Jay-Z was stepping out on her and disrespected her enough to get another woman pregnant. The Governor of California did that to Maria Shriver and somehow we got by. We’d get over it. There is no reason for someone as beautiful and talented and stinking rich as Beyonce to agree to this embarrassing charade. Sasha Fierce don't play that.

4. Beyonce is actually a robot and can’t have babies.

Honestly, if I weren’t so sure No. 1 was what was going on, I’d go for this one. That girl cannot be human, right?

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