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How to let go of a toxic relationship

An Open Letter to the One Who Won’t Let Me Go
Credit: iStock

Thank you for teaching me how to love myself better and to grow in this world that throws a curveball whenever I least expect it. But now, it’s time for us to part, and I need you to let go so I can continue to grow and become an even more healthy person than I already am.

You are not the overbearing, clingy-type who is following me on social media to see where I am and who I’m with. You are not the possessive type who does not want any other person to enjoy my company and is keeping me locked away from the world. You are not the jealous or insecure type who starts fights with others because they asked me a question or makes it difficult for me to enjoy time with others without worrying what you will think or do. No, you are the type who encouraged my growth as a person and stood behind me to support this growth when it felt like I was falling apart. You are the type who encourages me to talk to others to grow and learn. You are the type who respected my space and time but also relished in the time spent we spent together.

But, to the One Who Won’t Let Me Go, you came into my life under false pretenses. That’s all it took to let emotions counteract my needs in a partner and in life. Emotional bonds are hard to break even when one knows the relationship is not in one's their best interests. Although we try to be firm with most people, there is always that one person (or two or three or four…) who melts our resolution. You were that person for me.

However, I did grow. And for a while, we grew together. But then you stopped. I wanted you to keep growing. For some time, I too didn’t want to let go, and, I stopped growing to let you catch up. For me, letting go was scary. I wondered how was I going to find someone else whom I connected with at the intensity we connected. I couldn’t fathom a life without you as a part. What would happen to me? What would happen to you? In the end, you didn’t start growing again, though I still hope you will begin to one day.

To the One Who Won’t Let Me Go, I know you may not understand why I had to let go of you. I really tried to stay with you, but I would’ve stopped growing if I’d stayed. It felt like a tug- of- war between the two people whose futures I cared for most: yours and mine.  You know who you are in my life, and what you have meant to me. You will always be a part of my history and hold a place in my heart.

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Courtney Geter, LMFT, CST is a sex and relationship therapist, podcaster, and blogger working and living in Atlanta, Ga. Relationships are hard and sex doesn't make it any easier! Courtney's mission is to create a safe and supportive office and cyberspace environment where others can learn ways to create more fulfilling sexual and emotional relationships. You can find more information about therapy services, the Let's Talk Sex podcast at SexAndRelationshipTherapist.com. You can find Courtney's blogs at https://courtneygeterlmft.com/and follow her on Twitter and Facebook at CGeterLMFT.

 
 
 
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