Let’s talk about obese sex — sex positions, myths and how damn hot it is.
“They don’t know what they’re missing,” an audience member called out at the start of speaker Laura Delarato’s class Big, Fat, Hot Sex, referring to people who won’t have sex with anyone who is overweight.
Between May 2013 and August 2015, Delarato told us, porn site searches for BBW (big, beautiful woman) experienced a 47 percent growth, so a thick lady is hot. What about in society?
In the media, when a character is obese, their weight becomes part of who they are. The joke is about weight or the sad story is about obesity, but obese people (especially women) are not portrayed as people. Society uses the “obese” tag to define a person of size.
Myths about Obese Sex
Many words associated with “fat” include greasy, unhealthy, well-fed, unsightly, unf-ckable and undesired.
Saying “I feel fat” conjures words like “lazy” and “gross,” but “all bodies are good bodies,” Delarato reminded us.
And how is “feeling fat” even a thing? “Man, I feel very well-fed… because I’m Italian,” Delarato joked, “but I never actually feel any of those words.”
Let’s break down some myths about obese sex.
Myth 1: A fat person will “break” their partner.
The body has pain receptors. If you feel uncomfortable under another body or you get jabbed with an elbow, pain receptors say, “Hey, I don’t like that” and the person in discomfort will rectify the situation. A heavier person will not snap a sexual partner like a cracker.
Myth 2: Fat people only have sex with other fat people.
Just not true.
Myth 3: Fat people have body limitations.
Many people have limitations. If your old high school football injury acts up and your knees hurt, you’d make adjustments and accommodations. Obese sex doesn’t mean awkward angles and impossible positions. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.
Delarato also pointed out that if a 5-feet-4-inch person tried to have sex with a 6-feet-4-inch person, they too would face challenges.
Myth 4: Fat people are too lazy for sex.
“F-ck that. That’s so stupid,” Delarato said.
Myth 5: Fat people don’t look good naked.
Sharing a sexy picture of herself, Delarato said, “Clearly this photo tells you otherwise.” And it did.
Best Sex Positions for Obese Sex
The best sex position for big, hot, obese sex is, well, all of them. There are tips and tricks to make things more comfortable that anyone, obese or underweight, can employ and enjoy.
Lifting your bum in the air helps get the right angle. You can use a pillow or sex furniture, like the Liberator Black Label Wedge. (Bonus, the wedge pillow comes with soft restraints and a blindfold!)
You can get acrobatic, but remember to work with your limits. Place pillows outside your legs to keep them against your partner. Grab each other! Grab the fat, Delarato said. Your body is a big, beautiful fleshy soft handlebar.
“The parts of your body with fat on them are super beautiful but also super useful,” Delarato added.
You can use a wedge pillow or get on all fours. Opt for a longer toy, whether it’s a butt plug or a strap-on. “No matter what size you are, it’s easier to get into everyone’s bits,” Delarato said.
If you do opt for toys for anal play, find a butt plug with a longer handle so it “doesn’t get swallowed up by the ass,” Delarato added.
This position is easiest if you lay at an angle and lift one leg. A toy with a long handle, like Le Wand or Mystic Wand, helps reach those sensitive areas seeking stimulation.
Obesity and Dating
Be your own ally, Delarato said. When you start dating someone, don't immediately apologize or ask, "I'm fat. Are you OK with that?" Question your fears.
And your partner might not be aware of "thin privilege," Delarato said. "In the beginning, I don't bring up size in any way," she explained, but obese people and average weight people "walk in the world differently."
Sometimes, the obese person's partner will get hit on in front of you, because society can't imagine a world where a thin person is sexually attracted to a person of size, Delarato explained. Or you might have a bad day because someone called you "fat" and hurt your feelings. Don't put your problems all on your partner, but let them know how you feel. It's nice when your feelings are acknowledged but don't forget self-care. Take time with yourself, get a manicure or ask your partner for a back rub.
Who knows, that back rub could turn into a really hot obese sex session!