I'm a Superhero Dating School graduate... now, where's my cape?

I took an intensive dating school course, and this is what I learned. P.S. I'm still single (wink, wink).

Gal Godot might make superheroing look easy, but she probably didn’t go through Superhero Dating School like I did.

 

Yeah, that’s right. I’m a dating school graduate.

 

When given the opportunity to try a week-long condensed version of celebrity matchmaker and dating strategist Jasmine Diaz’s online dating school, I jumped at the chance.

 

“Have you been kissing all the wrong frogs?” Jasmine asked in one of the videos. Uh, yes.

 

“Wouldn’t it be great to learn how not to make the mistakes of the past?” Get out of my head!

I had just survived a Social Concierge singles mixer, had a few successful dates with a dude I met there… who then stood me up on a Friday night. I could use the help.

Dating with intention

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Jasmine’s dating school was intense with four weeks smashed into one. It took me longer than a week to get through it between work and everyday life and after a while, I was kind of sick of dissecting my feelings (like when I get tired of talking about myself to the therapist). I emerged… well, still single, but armed with a new set of tools.

In addition to the lessons, Jasmine provided a lot of fun extras like safety tips for online dating and other books or resources as options for further “study.”

But, the greatest part about the online dating school was the direct access to Jasmine. She commented on all my homework, gave me more to think about, pushed me to dig deeper and to be more honest with myself and showed me things about myself I was ignoring.

For example, I never realized that I’m family-driven, meaning family is really important to me. It is, but I never thought about it as a criterion for a potential mate. Most of the guys I’ve dated haven’t had the friend-family relationship I have with mine. I actually like hanging out with my family. My first besties were my cousins. Jasmine helped me figure out how to work questions into a conversation to get the answers about family I needed right away.

On the second night, a candidate from a dating app and I were chatting... oh man, I'm going to get to use my skills! I try not to hit anyone with a barrage of questions, but I’m the curious sort so one question more often than not gives birth to another.

This guy and I were texting about vacation and where we’d like to live someday, but I had my suggested questions that align with my lists of wants and needs I discovered during the class.

*Ahem*

"So," I type super casually, "how long have you lived in New York?"

Sparks jumped against the rails in my brain and I had to slow the mental train down. I’m dying to know the answer so I can ask the next. "Have you always lived here?” or “Where is your family from?” (I still have yet to master the art of chill. As in, I have none.) 

While we were still in the introduction phase, Jasmine hit me with some homework that I found really hard. The questionnaire asked why I’m single (what a question, right?), what are my best attributes and what are my biggest flaws.

I say I was raised not to be vain, to always strive to be better; others say I’m “self-abusive” and need to ease up on myself, but my flaws were easy for me to pick out. Hell, I needed extra space. I was able to add to the pros list, but for the majority of the praise I reached out to my friends. 

I suppose that is something I should work on.

Superhero Dating School lessons

Jasmine initiated us to the course by saying it would be “a little bit weird and a little scary.” I buckled in. Plus, (nerd alert) I love school.

“Now is the time to stop wasting time,” Jasmine said in the video. Who doesn’t love efficiency?

Week one was focused on the foundations of dating and zeroing in on all those things “you’ve been winging,” Jasmine explained were not effective. Foundations of dating gave me a firmer understanding of my role in finding the right person, which was eye-opening.

The following week (or for me, set of lessons) dealt with social anxiety and ways to overcome it. I have anxiety, but luckily not social anxiety. Jasmine looked at my answers to the homework and nicknamed me “Fearless Kim.”

The third lesson focused on the blessing and bane of daters around the globe: online dating. For me, going online is a necessary evil in the life of a single person in the modern age. Jasmine said she met her husband online, so I was willing to see what the woman had to say. And I must say, my OKCupid profile is looking pretty snazzy thanks to Jasmine’s hands-on approach.

The final lesson was around diversifying your portfolio. I always thought that meant being on OKCupid plus Coffee Meets Bagel plus possibly Bumble, but there are a lot of social platforms underutilized by daters, Jasmine explained, including Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. This one got murky for me, because there is a creep/professional line that people have crossed with me. Jasmine did give tips on not being a creeper that I can see myself using, so I'm not totally against the idea.

What to expect while superheroing

If you take the class, be prepared to share. Your wants and needs, your dating past, major milestones in your life and your upbringing are telling factors in who you are and whom you should date. To get the full worth from the class, you need to be honest —with yourself and with Jasmine.

And know that Jasmine is not going to magically change your life, but she will teach you that "you aren't the flawed dater you thought you were." Jasmine provides the tools to make it work.

I still owe one piece of homework. I never hosted a dinner, invited my friends and asked them to bring one single friend with them. All my friends are married or in relationships and no one seems to know a single person they’d inflict on me. I started making brunch plans with some ladies I met at a speed dating event, but we all decided that if we had a single, eligible friend we’d be willing to offer up to someone else, we probably either already dated him or would want to. 

This might sound like a red flag, but I printed out my lists of wants and needs. Full disclosure. It’s somewhere in the pile of makeup and clothes in my bedroom, but I did save it so I could remind myself to “date with intention.” I'm not a lady with a list, but I'm a lady who knows what she wants and, more importantly, what she needs.

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Looking back on that list, it has the potential for evolution. According to Jasmine: "You need a man who has that all-around-nice-guy charm with a little bit of rock 'n' roll, if you understand what I am saying. He has to have nice-guy values (i.e. knows how to treat a woman, is thoughtful and kind) but also has some edge."

YES.

via GIPHY

A month or so after I took the course, I took a little break from dating. I needed to focus on me and not the B.S. of the dating world, but I have a date tonight (first after my hiatus), so we’ll see how that goes! 

How to be a Superhero Dating School graduate

The Winter/Spring 2018 class begins on Jan. 15, 2018. You can register online. The course costs $400 until Oct. 6 and $550 after. At some point, tuition will cost $650 (check the website for updates).

The money, right? I know. But Jasmine made a good point: We invest in education and finding a job, so why not invest in learning how to find love?

You’re totally worth it.