I asked a client recently how she knew her past relationships were worth pursing. She said that the first time she met each of the guys she was in a relationship with, there was “an instant click” — the conversation went on for hours, they had good chemistry, and then the relationship continued.
We’ve all felt that click before — and it feels awesome when it happens! It’s what most of my clients look for on a first date — the sign that potential exists together.But just because you get the click, doesn’t mean the relationship is right. And likewise, the absence of that click doesn’t mean the relationship is wrong.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned as a dating coach for nearly a decade, it’s that every relationship evolves differently. Your story will be different than another couple’s. Sometimes the click will exist right away … and sometimes it won’t. Regardless, when it happens won’t impact how amazing your relationship can be. This weekend, one of my clients is getting married to a man she considered a “maybe” after the first date, but their connection has grown wildly since then.
Not expecting or anticipating the click is especially true if you’re meeting matches online because you lead with compatibility and attraction, but the chemistry is what’s missing. Chemistry is the “click” but it often takes time to build because you’ve never met before. If the moment doesn’t happen on the first date, don’t get discouraged. Instead, ask yourself: If you didn’t know anything about this person and just met tonight, would you give him or her your number?
If you would wholeheartedly hand your number over, going out again will allow you the chance to feel more connected — or not.
I’m not suggesting you continue to see someone if you aren’t truly into them. If after date number three you’re still on the fence about your match, it’s time to cut ties. The click likely won’t be coming, so go swipe on someone else.