It’s not uncommon to go on a date that feels forced and wonder, “How could I have misread the connection?” It can happen whether you’re five dates in on Valentine’s Day or it’s a first date on any day of the week.
To flirt with each other in real life and connect completely, you need to create conversation flow (and great nonverbal communication too, of course!). If you’re feeling disconnected, ask yourself: Has our groove synced yet? Experiencing an epic date that leads to another could be as simple shifting communication.
Here’s exactly how to create conversation flow so you connect every time:
Don’t fear the lull. It’s common to want to fill every silence. But you risk babbling or making the conversation more awkward than it was originally. And you could inadvertently come off as self- involved. Remember: You are there to receive communication as much as you are to actively communicate. Spend as much time listening as you do talking and your date will feel like you were as interested as you were interesting.
Let each topic linger. When conversation isn’t flowing right, then thetendency is to bounce from one topic to the next. You’ll find your flow when instead, you focus on “me too” moments. When you hit a topic you can relate to, add on to what your date is saying. It will further qualify you as a great match for them and help you create conversation comfort.
Go beyond small talk. Small talk creates common ground. However, any more than five minutes of the weather or how your day was and you risk losing your connection. A recent EliteSingles survey found that 25 percentof Americans find "chit-chat"boring when on a first date. Get deeper than surface level by asking about your date’s family, recent trips and other topics they may be passionate about. The best questions to ask are follow ups, like asking about something you know from your online messages. For example: “How did ____ go this week?” It reminds your date you know each other already, creates instant comfort and removes the tension so sparks can fly.
Laurie Davis Edwards is the founder ofeFlirt, an online dating concierge service, and the best-selling author of "Love @ First Click: The Ultimate Guide to Online Dating."