In a world where everyone is dating multiple people, dating can feel transient. Maybe it often leaves you wondering things like, “Will I get a text … or is this it?”
It’s rare to stop and revel in the glow of the flirtation and let the experience sink in. Even if it was a great date, you start worrying that you weren’t engaging enough to get a second date, or wondering if there is someone better your match is seeing. Because you’ve been there before — you’ve had an awesome date … and then the person ghosted you.
The problem with immediately concerning yourself with the outcome of this next date is that it removes you from the choice. Instead, you’re completely at your date’s mercy — and that’s not true.
So instead of stressing and overthinking after your next date, do this:
Consider what YOU want. Take a moment and let that date sink in. How did it feel? Do YOU want to see this person again? Because you both have a choice to make. You both have to opt-in to another date. So before you see their text (or not), decide on your preference. It’s nice to be wanted, but it’s even better to know what you want.
It’s best to make this decision immediately after the date when you’re feeling that connection most (or a lack of one). Then, you can be sure you’re making the choice from the place of how the connection feels for you, rather than intellectualizing and overthinking the decision later.
If you decidethat another date would be great, send a thank you text. Let your match know you had a great time and mention something specific you enjoyed about your time together. Not only does it re-open the digital lines of communication so planning another date is easy, but it subtly shows your desire to continue connecting. And yes, ladies, you can do this too! Many tell me they don’t want to initiate because it’s masculine — but instead, consider this leading with appreciation and desire, which is very clearly in your feminine power.
And if you’re not into them, that’s OK too. There’s no need to reach out again, but if they do, make sure you reply with a “s--t sandwich” instead of ghosting.
Laurie Davis Edwards is the founder ofeFlirt, an online dating concierge service, and the best-selling author of "Love @ First Click: The Ultimate Guide to Online Dating."