The secret is out, ladies: Guys know we talk about their junk. It’s funny, because as a guy reminded me recently, they “don’t go around talking about girls’ vaginas.” If they did, we’d probably call them pigs and think they’re too immature to be getting any in the first place.
It may not be something that’s top-of-mind, or something that guys often complain about out loud, but they too feel objectified and, as a result, insecure about their bodies. Many guys who are short feel disqualified by girls before they even have a chance to prove themselves. A short guy complained to me over the weekend: “It’s not fair. Can’t this — ” [Motions around face] “ — and this — ” [Motions around bulky chest and arms] “ — be enough?”
Other guys worry about being too skinny. As one of my clients confessed, “I’m always worried about girls not being into me because of how skinny I am. I don’t know if they see me as manly.”
On the other end of the spectrum are guys who can (and perhaps have) gained a few pounds. They make great efforts to watch what they eat and count calories, and feel guilty after eating unhealthy. And since they’re guys, often they don’t feel comfortable expressing these concerns.
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We may assume that body concerns are “a girl thing.” Maybe because of this we feel justified gossiping about how much heat a guy is packing or not to responding to online dating messages from guys who aren’t “tall enough.” But not only are we hurting guys’ feelings when we do this, we’re limiting our dating pool based on completely shallow criteria — criteria that makes us cringe when the situation is reversed.
If we don’t want guys judging us by the numbers (height, weight, bra size), then we shouldn’t be judging them based on those things either. I’m not suggesting dating someone you’re not attracted to, but I am urging you not to disqualify people based on shallow criteria before taking the time to see whether you could be attracted to them or not.
— Amber Madison is a Manhattan-based relationship expert and dating coach. She is the author of “Are All Guys Assholes?” for which she traveled the country, spoke to over 1,000 men and discovered that the answer is no. You can follow her on Twitter @ambermadi or online at www.ambermadisononline.com
Metro does not endorse the opinions of the author.