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The Word: Why did Miley Cyrus get engaged?

Don't even think about saying "love."

After rocking a sizable diamond on her left hand all spring, yesterday Miley Cyrus confirmed that she's engaged to actor Liam Hemsworth.

"I'm happy to share this news with you all. I feel like all my dreams are coming true," the 19-year-old tweeted yesterday.

The news comes after Cyrus took a break from recording and acting to spend time with Hemsworth, 22, and do uncomfortable interviews about their sex life.

Now, why would a 19-year-old who is not pregnant or struggling with rent money get married? Good question. At first, we were worried good old-fashioned love still existed and had been listening this whole time, but it's not quite that simple.

You see, these two met on the set of "The Last Song," a 2010 drama based on a novel by Nicholas Sparks — the same Nicholas Sparks who penned the most graphic of emotional girl porn, "The Notebook."

At least she fell in rabid zombie love with a cute Australian actor and not the creepy guy sweeping up popcorn.

Amanda Bynes wants justice

Amanda Bynes refused to take a breathalyzer or blood test when she was pulled over back in April, but she’s not admitting to drinking and driving. The actress sent her lawyer to court yesterday with a not-guilty plea for the DUI charge, which could land her in jail for a minimum of 48 hours if she's convicted.

A court date is set for July 18, but in the meantime, she's not staying silent. "Hey @BarackObama... I don't drink. Please fire the cop who arrested me," she posted to her Twitter page.

Amanda, you're the most ridiculous celebrity in a column that includes Miley Cyrus and John Mayer. Go think about that.

John Mayer is finally humiliated

With a new album coming out, John Mayer had been trying to play nice in the media — but he's got his foot back in his smug little mouth again after an interview with Rolling Stone, in which he whines about ex-girlfriend Taylor Swift's song about their split, "Dear John." He calls the hit "humiliating," taking issue with the then 20-year-old's "cheap songwriting”: "It's abusing your talent to rub your hands together and go, 'Wait till he gets a load of this!' That's bulls—."

Dude: Either un-write "Your Body is a Wonderland," or stop talking right now.

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