It’s going to be a historically quiet week for gossip, kids.


Between the icecaps melting all over the East Coast and the election, no celeb worth their Botox is going to announce a divorce, weight-loss secret, scandalous pregnancy or rehab vacation for at least a week. Kim Kardashian tested the waters on Saturday by taking a little bra-less stroll in Miami, but mostly, the rich and famous will have their humanitarian game faces on until further notice.


On the fundraising front, Saturday night’s super star-studded Hurricane Sandy fundraiser raked in more than $23 million for relief efforts, reports NBCUniversal. Not bad at all, even when you account for additional damage caused by the Jimmy Fallon and Steven Tyler “Under the Boardwalk” duet.


As for democracy cheerleading, Will Ferrell has released a new video message for the Obama campaign encouraging us to vote. As we are a lazy, apathetic people who would just as soon sleep in and watch “Kathie Lee & Hoda” on Tuesday morning, Ferrell has promised to reward good citizens with home-cooked meals, amateur tattoos and private dance sessions.


We here at the Word would also like you to vote (for real — we’re OK people off the clock). Do your civic duty, and we’ll replace every Lohan item this week with a picture of baby hedgehogs in party hats.

2012 living up to its rep

One upside to not having power over the weekend: You mercifully missed Kate Gosselin’s Twitter feed. Gosselin is using the site to complain about ex-husband Jon, who has been allowing their plus-8 kiddos to cuddle with his new girlfriend’s pit bull. Between her musings on fame, fat-free Triscuits, coupons and smiling, Kate’s been busy re-tweeting warnings from fans about the “dangerous” breed, which has been known to exploit young defenseless children for fame, money and free plastic surgery. Or was that humans? Either way — there are things to be afraid of out there, people.

Not cool, Gaga

Lady Gaga has dropped the weight she recently put on, but she’s still not sure why anyone cared. "I thought, well I don't really care if they think I'm fat because, quite honestly, I did gain about 30 pounds," Gaga tells Stylist UK in an interview. "Adele is bigger than me. How come nobody says anything about it?"

Let us explain, Lady: It’s mostly because the incredibly classy, talented and beautiful Adele didn’t make a name for herself wearing meat lingerie.