"Harry Potter" star Emma Watson has confirmed that she's leaving Brown University, but not for the reason everyone thinks.
Instead of the alleged bullying she received at the hands of fellow Ivy Leaguers ("Three points to Gryffindor!" being the most hilarious) Watson says she's leaving so she can take a class that Brown doesn't offer.
This is a sham, of course — everyone knows that there are no courses that Brown doesn't offer. So if not that, and not bullying, what could be the real reason Watson is leaving Brown? Let's brainstorm:
»Can't believe the Bears lost to Holy Cross.
»Wants to go somewhere normal, like Berkley.
»Realized that Brown was totally Hufflepuff.
»Rhode Island gingers don't have the sex appeal of Ron Weasley.
»Needs to check out Middlebury, Dartmouth, Penn, Harvard, Cornell and Boston College, to see if any of them are actually "like a real-life Hogwarts" and not effing liars like Brown.
»Afraid that WaterFire is actually a complex Dark charm.
»Going to transfer to NYU like she should have done in the first place, because doesn't she know how these things work?
»It's in Providence, duh.