Your super Super Bowl beer guide

The Super Bowl should be held the Sunday before Presidents’ Day. It doesn’t matter whether they accomplish this by delaying the game a week or by tinkering with Washington’s birth certificate, but one way or the other we need to arrange it so more people have the day after the Super Bowl off work. This would enable us to ease back into the week after drinking beer and yelling at the TV all night, plus it would have the added bonus of throwing the dating-industrial complex into a fake tizzy whenever the game coincided with Valentine’s Day. Imagine all the hypothetical relationships we could pretend it wrecked!

But alas, the Super Bowl still comes a week too early, which means you only have a couple days left to stockpile beer. You could drink the same thing you always do, but why not get a little festive with it and do some regional theme-drinking?

Presented below are beer suggestions representing both teams, plus the host city and your own hometown losers.

Denver Broncos

The Broncos are going to lose by 20, but at least they’ll get to slink back home to a great beer state. If you’re supporting their doomed endeavor, prepare yourself for the inevitable with Great Divide Titan IPA, a potent (7.1-percent alcohol-by-volume) and bitter blend of citrus and pine. If you’d rather bask in their demise, go with Joe’s Premium American Pilsner from Avery Brewing, a crisp, floral, and superior version of the dull light lagers that’ll be shouting advertisements at you all game.

Carolina Panthers

This is a bit trickier, because while North Carolina is also a state blessed with excellent beer, the craft brewing industry there is still relatively young, and none of the better indigenous outfits are shipping their beer up north yet. That means we’re going to have to settle for a couple of excellent brews from non-native operations that have recently opened up Carolina outposts, Sierra Nevada Pale Ale and Oskar Blues Pinner session IPA. Sierra Nevada is the iconic American pale ale, bitter and resinous and perfect; Pinner is a bit lighter-bodied, with pronounced tropical and citrus character.

San Francisco

The game’s being held in Santa Clara, 40 miles outside the beer mecca of San Francisco. Pay tribute with 21^st Amendment’s Down to Earth, a lightly bitter, heavily fruity session IPA with pronounced pineapple and grapefruit flavors.

New York

The Jets were kinda good this year, and the Giants were fun in their own way; honor their memories with SingleCut’s Billy Half-Stack, an assertive yet drinkable IPA from Astoria that provides steady malt structure beneath moderately bitter peach, mango, and pine hops.

Philadelphia

Well, the Eagles really Eagles’d the hell out of things this season, huh? That’s okay, though, because Victory Brewing in nearby Downington is quietly one of the best mid-sized breweries on the East Coast. Their Prima Pils is an easy-drinking, hop-forward take on German pilsner, featuring bright floral and lemon notes.

New England

Soon enough Brady and Belichick will retire and we’ll be able to high-horsedly turn our backs on this barbaric human cockfighting. But since we don’t have to fake moral indignation for a couple more years, let’s all enjoy the game with Notch Pils, an exemplary rendition of the classic Czech style. Herbal spiciness from Saaz hops enlivens this smooth session beer built for long-haul enjoyment.