Everyone loves a great debate. Having a conversation about “who’s better at what” is as American as baseball and apple pie. In light of that, here are the first ever “Big Brain” awards.


“Liar, Liar” Award: Rush Limbaugh. No man has tricked more people into believing lies than this guy. He clearly is a descendent of the people who gave Native Americans beads for their land.


“Most Annoying Person” Award: Sarah Palin. She’s a whiny, opportunistic fraud. I feel sorry for her until I realize that she turned being “average” into a multimillion-dollar business for herself.


“Look Ma, No Hands” Award: Television stations. How they convince advertisers that newspapers are the dying media is great sleight of hand. Does anyone really watch sitcom reruns on local TV at 6:30 on a Friday night? Hardly…

“Paris Hilton” Award (or the “Big Name, No Talent” Award): Conan O’Brien. Only his hair is funny.

“I Want His Job” Award: Ed Stefanski. I met the Sixers’ GM at a private reception and he asked me not to judge his work for two years. Well, Ed, it’s been two years and I am sure I can do much better. By the way, I cancelled my season tickets.

“Richard Branson, Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better” Award: New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg. News and information, television, the city of New York, you name it, he simply gets it done.

“Best Entertainer That No One Remembers” Award: Prince. He’s the best ever. The next time he’s in your town, buy a ticket and join the party.

“Hip-Hop Music Can Be Good” Award: Tie between Mos Def and the Roots. Smart guys make smart music.

“The O.J. Simpson, I Might Not Look Like A Criminal, But I Am” Award: British Petroleum. They actually admit that they never really had a plan for an accident such as the one they are trying to currently fix? Shouldn’t someone get fired for this?

Let the conversation begin!

— Eric Mayberry is president of SmartBoy

Enterprises, a media and entertainment firm based in Philadelphia. Named “The Success Master” by colleagues, he has received numerous awards and honors. For the rest of the Big Brain Awards, or to recommend your own, go to Hugebrain.net.”

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