Worst of Craigslist: Things I have learned (and wish I didn’t)

I consider myself a fairly enlightened young adult, but I’ve learned a lot during the short time I’ve been writing this blog about Craigslist. Like, the morning after a Friday or Saturday night, there will be 11-1400 personal posts – and those are just the ones that haven’t been taken down. They encompass everything from missed connections to misc romance but most seek sex, NSA (no strings attached) sex.

Don’t get me started with the acronyms I’ve learned. Besides the usual ddf, swf, swm, m4m, m4w, w4w, there’s mw4mw, mw4m, m4t and any combination thereof.

I bet you know what a top is, but what about btm, vers, sub and dom? There are panty boys, fathers and daughters / dads and sons (not biological), bears and twinks, chubs, BBWs, people seeking to give or get roses (money) in return for sex, those into ft (full toilet) and tons of married dudes, denoted as dl or mwm, mbm, etc.

Even with my recent education, last night, in particular, necessitated a lot of googling.

CFNM means Clothed Female Naked Male. Yeah, I didn’t know that either.

Also didn’t know this was a thing (accept, according to reality TV, among competitive bodybuilders in North Jersey).

This either: do people intentionally get dentures, or are the naturally toothless just in high demand?

And, silly me, I thought a str8 man looking for cock was somewhat of an oxymoron.

Also a fetish somewhat new to me. I guess, in the same way daddy issues result in sleeping around in a subconscious search for a father figure (along with lower back tattoos and cheap vodka habits), mother issues result in … drinking breast milk (and, according to profilers, serial killing, so watch out for this guy).

Follow Coco on Twitter. You’ll be a happy man.

And $ubtle, too.

I feel like those are not so much fantasies as deep, life-altering traumas.

Paint your faces, drink your Faygo and … aah, traumatic mental image.

They shouldn’t let you into college if you can’t spell it.

Why am I not surprised Karen Brown is advertising for volunteers on Craigslist?

Sure, because there’s just tons of extra fucking sand lying around in Philadelphia, it being a beach community and all.

I’m pretty sure this is a joke, but the poster is from Fishtown, so you never know.

Of course you’re from West Philly. When you were growing up in your six-story Victorian, your mom probably told you every noise you made was a postmodern nugget of musical genius, didn’t she?

You should get together with West Philly girl. I’m sure she’s into the Yoko Ono type of shrieking, too.

Musical circle jerk? Sounds like every art student post punk progressive indie psychedelic folk metal band practice in West Philly (and, increasingly, Passyunk Square).

Are you A) an illegal breeder B) a hoarder or C) a lonely single woman between the ages of 25 and 65?

Though I don’t work for a TV new station, this is a snapshot of what I have to contend with on a daily basis.

Random entertaining crazy-person rant of the day. Didn’t know they had computers in soup kitchens.