Conan the Barbarian
Director: Marcus Nispel
Stars: Jason Momoa, Ron Perlman, Rose McGowan
The most impressive thing about Conan the Barbarian is star Jason Momoa’s rear end, which can practically stand up on its own. The same, sadly, can’t be said for Marcus Nispel’s movie. It’s a straight-forward revenge tale that jogs unenthusiastically from action set-piece to action set-piece, borrowing from enough of its predecessors to make the whole thing feel overly generic. The movie’s first section, though, is killer, and the highlight is Conan as a boy, played by the ferocious Leo Howard. The resemblance to Momoa is striking, but Howard’s barbarian is just that much more animalistic and feral. But when your hero is already a fearless warrior who can behead a whole gang of armed savages twice his size, where else can you possibly go with the character? The only real difference between Conan at the beginning of the movie and Conan at the end is that he’s older and played by a different actor. Maybe an entire movie about a preteen barbarian would’ve been a better idea.