‘No absolute right or wrong answer’
“It’s somewhat painful, but I’m reminded once again that nutrition is the key to realizing one’s gym goals.”
Just recently, Toronto Star reporter Daphne wrote a column about her decision-making process regarding changing, or altering, her last name in light of her recent engagement.
It’s a question many modern women deliberate over. And there is no absolute right or wrong answer.
Traditionally, when a man and woman marry, the woman legally changes her last name to that of her new husband’s. The family name she was given at birth becomes her “maiden” name. And still today, in many cultures around the world, there’s no debate — her name changes. But here in North America, if your cultural heritage isn’t strongly swayed in the matter, women feel they have a choice.
When my mother and father married over 40 years ago, she didn’t hesitate to take his name. As the years passed and she became an internationally syndicated writer, her name became her persona.
By the time they divorced, Ellie Tesher was who my mother had become. So, later, when she remarried, she didn’t even contemplate changing her name again.
Another woman I know took her husband’s name when they married. They had a child together and then divorced. At first, she kept her husband’s name, for the sake of the child. But when she remarried and had more children with her new husband, she reverted to using her maiden name. Her decision was based on two factors: her profession, in which she had become well-known; and, her first born. She didn’t want her son to feel that he was the odd-man-out in the family by being the only one with a different last name.
Another woman looked forward to changing her long ethnic last name when the time came. However, the man she married had a family name just as cumbersome.
She couldn’t bring herself to change from hers to his, so they deliberated how to meld the two, and came up with an abridged Anglo version of his. I thought it was a good compromise, for her, but I admit I was surprised that her husband was willing to make the change. It requires an enormous amount of paperwork, and he was already an accredited partner in an American law firm.
By the time I got married, I was already a working columnist and photographer, and chose to keep my name for professional reasons. At least, that’s what I told my husband. Truthfully, I’ve never imagined myself anyone but Lisi Tesher.
I like the way it sounds, and it’s who I am. I don’t want to be anyone else.
Our children have my husband’s last name, which is how we chose to do it. They’re too young to know that my name is different — but it doesn’t matter. We’re a loving, cohesive family unit no matter what name we all go by. And to me, that’s more important.
Lisi Tesher is a much travelled freelance writer who has studied art history, photography, languages and pop culture. She is also a constant and fascinated student of relationships, maintaining contact with a worldwide network.
