As the ball drops in Times Square on December 31st and singletons want to ring in the new year with a smooch and a new partner, this brings a new opportunity to do things differently in 2014.
“It’s time to change the game plan,” says relationship expert Siggy Flicker. “You’re obviously in your own way; people who are single need to make a few minor adjustments. We’re in a technology-based society now, everything’s about getting home and getting on your laptop instead of getting out there and going on dates.”
For Flicker, it meant she had to work to actively date after getting divorced. “I had to go out there and put the effort in. I fell in love with a man who I never would have given a shot if I had seen him online. He owned a car dealership, he had no hair on his head, he was divorced, I thought, ‘He’s got baggage.’”
Well, smitten by his dimples and physical appearance, she realized you can’t get that attraction “from a picture on a piece of paper.” Eight years later, her life has changed: “I’ve never been so happy.”
Getting out there doesn’t only mean meeting new people, it means loving your life, hobbies and all suggests Andrea Syrtash, relationship expert and co-author of “It’s Okay to Sleep with Him on the First Date: and Every Other Rule of Dating, Debunked.” “The best thing you can do for your love life is to love your life,” she says.
For starters, she says not only will hobbies and activities you’re passionate about make your life “richer and more fulfilling,” you’ll likely meet like-minded guys and gals through these endeavors. “Increasing your social network is great for your single life. When you’re connected to your passions, you’ll be happier and more attractive.”
Being happier and glowing from the inside out stems from simply letting your hair down and being yourself. In fact, Flicker points out, “Stop being a phony. Ninety percent of people who are single are truly phony because they’re scared. The older we get, we try to protect ourselves from being hurt.”
Her advice? “Lead with your true self – if somebody’s going to like you, they’re going to like you for who you are. And if they’re not they’re not going to, don’t let the door hit their *ss on their way out.”
Bring in 2014 with a bang! New approaches:
1. Don’t cling to singles, bring people with the kind of relationship you want into your life.“Go out with somebody who’s going to help you in your journey…somebody in a healthy, healthy relationship.”
2. Delete unrealistic expectations. Flicker adds, “Take out that list because guess what? We all want the same thing. We all want the guy who’s like JFK Jr. who loved his mother, had a full head of hair and wants kids.”
3. Be respectful. Be mindful of the person sitting across from you. The worst that can happen, Flicker says, is that you make a new contact. He or she can have “a friend, a best friend, a cousin.”
4. Go online if you’re not already there. Although Syrtash admits yes, you’ll go on some lame dates, online dating is a numbers game. “Even a bad date makes a good story! Ultimately, the reward is bigger than the risk.”
5. Learn from your ex. Instead of reuniting with an ex, Syrtash recommends figuring out why the relationship didn’t work and defining what qualities you need and want.