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A fat camp by any other name


Paris, Nicole to be counsellors on Simple Life: Report

dan steinberg/associated press

Paris Hilton, above, and Nicole Richie will reportedly appear as counsellors at a “wellness camp” in The Simple Life.

THE SKINNY: The persistence of The Simple Life is a riddle up there with “the chicken or the egg?” – is it still around because Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie continue to be famous, or was it picked up from Fox by E! just to maintain the illusion that Hilton and Richie actually do something that might legitimize their fame? Greater minds than mine have taken two Tylenol 3s and gone to bed after pondering that one.

The New York Post’s Page Six column reported this week that the fifth season of the show will feature Hilton and Richie – described as a “former anorexic” with what might just look like drollness to me – working as counselors at a “fat camp.” The show’s producers aren’t calling it a fat camp, however, preferring a “wellness camp focused on eating right, yoga, nutrition and exercise,” but there was probably a lot of nudging and winking and puffing out of cheeks while they said it, so let’s say fat camp and be done with it.

The Post was told that the duo would be doing their counseling while wearing short-shorts, and the mind can’t help but write the dialogue in anticipation:

Nicole: “I love your sweatpants.”

Paris: “They’re hot.”

Nicole: “Oh, I totally used to have hips, but it’s, like, so easier to get out of limos without them.”

Paris: “That’s hot.”

Nicole: “So, like, yoga’s nice and all, but you don’t have to exercise or, like, starve yourself to lose weight. I carry around these little packs of the seaweed stuff they wrap around California rolls – they’re awesome. Soooo tasty. If you’re still hungry, you can just eat a bunch of those Styrofoam popcorn packing things – I know, it sounds gross, but they don’t taste like anything and they’ll fill you up, and you just kinda poo them out.”

Paris: “...”

Nicole: “Uh ... Paris?”

Paris: “Was I supposed to say something?”


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