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An ode to those special fathers

Good dads remember the rules of every card game.

Good dads remember the rules of every card game.

Good dads make the fluffiest scrambled eggs.

Good dads never lose their patience while teaching you how to ride a bike or drive a car.

Good dads are inexplicably interested in things like “golf” and “lawn care,” because if it weren’t for them, who would be?

Good dads are genuinely impressive at Jeopardy.

Good dads get $12 haircuts. (I don’t know how that works. Some form of special dad discount, I guess.)

Good dads know everything about politics from the ’60s and ’70s and would be happy to tell you about the October Crisis in detail.

Good dads don’t mind when you rifle through their vinyl collections.

Good dads take the boring sections of the paper and leave you with the good stuff.

Good dads cheer you on.

Good dads have a sixth sense when it comes to the barbecuing of various meats.

Good dads bring you ginger ale when you’re sick.

Good dads give you money. To see dumb movies. Starring idiots.

Good dads will pick you up from whoever’s house at whatever hour and not even mention that your breath smells like a distillery.

Good dads can talk to you forever in person, but whenever you call them on the phone, they will ask if you’re well and then say, “Here’s your mother.”

Good dads will sing the praises of the cookies you baked, even though they’re burnt on the bottoms.

Good dads know where all the best toboggan hills be at.

Good dads will let you win until you’re 12, but then they’ll straight up murder you in Scrabble.

Good dads like Law & Order (the show and also the concept).

Good dads don’t want you to go to any trouble.

Good dads are not easily grossed out. They’ll gut a fish, wipe an extra-snotty nose and dispose of a cat-mauled bird carcass without batting an eye.

Good dads have a knack for selecting anniversary cards that make moms cry.

Good dads will let you go to any university you want (even though they secretly want you to attend their alma mater) to study whatever you choose (even though it’s completely impractical.)

Good dads get all choked up at your graduation.

I have a really good dad.

Happy Father’s Day to all of the good dads out there!

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