Relationships are about embracing who you are
You have to be happy with yourself before you can share yourself with potential suitors, says our columnist.
We can’t escape Valentine’s Day, so let’s embrace it and think about our relationships; how to achieve the best relationship ever — even if you’re already in one. But the most important question is this: Are you ready for a great relationship?
You’re probably thinking, “Yeah, of course, I’m smart, funny, nice and have a lot to offer. It’s not me. It’s the jerks I meet. They’re immature, selfish or commitment-phobic.”
That may be true, but those are still excuses. You can’t sit back and wait for Mr. or Mrs. Right to come knocking on your door. That just doesn’t happen. You have a role to play in getting yourself ready and finding the right one.
For every person, getting ready is a unique ride down a path that only you can forage. It’s an adventure like no other, but the treasure at the end is knowing who you are, what you need in a relationship and how to get it.
The point is: You have to be happy with yourself before you can share yourself with somebody else.
Like anything else you want to excel at, you have to put in some time, effort, willingness to try new and different things and the ability to make changes.
Work through your baggage so you can move on freely and easily, and yes, if need be, get counselling.
When it comes to finding true love, you really have to be true to yourself, honest and open. Once you can admit to all your own quirks and foibles, and embrace who you are, then you can confidently present yourself to potential suitors.
In Dr. Susan Campbell’s book Truth In Dating, the California relationship coach says it isn’t about who you date but how you date. If you go on a date feeling insecure and self-conscious, that’s what you’re going to portray. And that’s just not attractive.
We have to feel good inside, in order to really look good on the outside. Feeling good about yourself will help you stand taller, feel prouder and walk with your head held high — and that exudes confidence. And confidence is SEXY!
It boils down to this: Become the best YOU that you can be — physically, emotionally, mentally and bring that person to the table when you go out on dates.
Once you’ve got the cool, confident you out there you can stop worrying about saying what you think the other person wants to hear — just be yourself.
So take that happy you, that better you, to any new relationship, even new friendships. You’ll become more attractive and interesting. Your confidence and security should bring out the better part of your partner by inspiring him or her to speak openly about themselves.
One honest real person plus the real you — those are the two magic ingredients for the best relationship ever.
Lisi Tesher is a much travelled freelance writer who has studied art history, photography, languages and pop culture. She is also a constant and fascinated student of relationships, maintaining contact with a worldwide network.