I want back the diamond necklace I gave you, all the love letters, oh, and my kidney please. Definitely not your typical divorce settlement item, but sure enough, Dr. Richard Batista, a Long Island, NY, surgeon wants his ex-wife to return the kidney he donated to her back in 2001. But he’ll settle for $1.5 million in compensation instead. Big of him.

Batista alleged his wife began having an affair 18 months to two years after the transplant. She filed for divorce in 2005 and the settlement has been dragging on ever since. He says it’s gotten so bad that he’s been prevented from seeing their three young children for months at a time. That’s why he took his case with his ex and his ex-kidney, public.

Divorce revenge is unfortunately common. Most people opt for simple things like smashing their ex’s car, running up their credit card or posting naked pictures of them on the Internet. But giving your wife your kidney to save her life, one of the most loving, intimate acts one could imagine, and then wanting compensation for it in the divorce settlement tops the bunch.

I understand being angry and feeling betrayed, especially when you think you’ve been cheated on and betrayed, but acting on feelings of revenge is always a bad idea. Beyond the initial rush, it ultimately doesn’t make you feel any better and it shoots your karma all to heck.

Nevermind the example you set for your kids: ‘Hey kids, if you love someone enough, you’d give them anything, even your own kidney but if they hurt you, be sure and squeeze everything you can out of them, including body organs, even if it might mean they’ll die.’

And of course I don’t condone cheating, but unless there’s some kind of mutual agreement that outside action is okay, if you’re absolutely happy in your relationship, who cheats? Obviously, on some level, this was not a happy relationship. Whether we choose to admit it or not, both parties contribute to a marriage breakdown. The blame may not be 50/50, but focusing on the math won’t solve the problem.

Granted, whatever causes a split, you’ve shared a life together, and things should be fairly split when you, well, split. But, as far as I’m concerned, everyone should at least leave the table with all the body parts they showed up with.

Not surprisingly, Batista’s case isn’t expected to succeed.

Imagine if it did. What’s next? ‘I paid for your breast implants; I want the money or the sacs of goo in your boobs.’

– Josey Vogels is a sex and relationship columnist and author of five books on the subjects. For more info, visit www.joseyvogels.com.